Hello friends, ever wanted to simulate masturbation using your phone instead of a pen15? Well, guess what, now you can, thanks to Netflix‘s adult animated series Big Mouth.
The coming-of-age show, created by and starring Nick Kroll, is fkn hilarious, showing a group of teens voiced by comic talents Kroll, John Mulaney, Jenny Slate, Jason Mantzoukas, Jessi Klein and Andrew Rannells, grappling with the onset of puberty. And you should see the guest stars (this is but a few): Craig Robinson plays one of Nick‘s pubes, Jon Hamm literally voices scallops, Kristen Wiig plays Jessi‘s genitalia.
The Facebook mobile game, Hand Masters, comes out in connection with the release of the entire second season earlier this month, the series navigating everything from periods to masturbation, contraception to pornography.
In a promo video for the game, Nick’s original Hormone Monster, urges him to play with himself: “Maybe you should you know, masturbate!”
Netflix advise that you try to play without breaking either your phone or your wrist, climaxing with a fun, dirty pun: “Play with yourself now!”
All you gotta do to play is shake your phone “as fast as humanly possible” until Andrew‘s Hormone Monster tells you to stop (it’s about 20 seconds): “Now drop your socks and pick up your cocks, it’s time to roll…”
Okay, we tested it out between men and women – dudes were scoring in the hundreds, while those of us who don’t wank that way did not rate so highly. Lots of practice, I guess. Maybe I’ve got weak wrists. You can see the results between your mates, or international scores where there are already people with scores nearing 10,000, at the Leaderboard.
Every time you play the game, you’ll be gifted with neato sex tips like “Vaginas don’t come with a GPS, so don’t be afraid to stop and ask for directions,” or “Sex is all about give and take. Pleasure begets pleasure,” or “The internet is not for diagnosing yourself with STDs. It’s for looking at videos of otters swimming and holding hands.”
All very apt. Of course there are some gag ones/Big Mouth references too, but mainly pearlers, that are as true for adults as they are they are for young people first exploring their sexuality.
And ignore the Shame Wizard, you’re not actually jerking off in public. (DO NOT JERK OFF IN PUBLIC.)
Play the game right now if you like HERE.
