Oh lord. We don’t know how to tell you this, but Miranda Kerr tried to teach a bunch of American kids how to speak with Australian accents, and it was excruciating.
Huh. Guess that wasn’t too hard.
Miranda, with the help of Vanity Fair wordsmith and celebrity pal-about-town Derek Blasberg, attempted to bestow the absolute bloody glory that is the Aussie accent upon these kids, and she did it with all the charm of Ernie Dingo.
They began with a little basic pronunciation, with Miranda teaching the three young children how to let off a classic “Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!” and managing to avoid the pitfall the rest of us would’ve fallen into by going “oi cunts listen up”.
Then Derek runs them through a series of steps (1. Soft Tongue; 2. ‘I’ becomes ‘Oi’) that appear to achieve nothing except make everyone attempting them sound like they’re having a stroke.
They work their way through a few more steps with varying degrees of weirdness until they get to the age-old Aussie tradition of shortening every fucken’ word we meet. Mozzie, breaky, choccie, etc. Apparently Miranda’s mates call her ‘Randa’.
The whole thing winds up with one of *the* most awkward hugs it is possible to give to a bunch of very excited and probably very paid 10-year-olds.
