The absolute rogue maniacs behind The NT News – arguably the country’s best paper, if not the paper with the best social media presence – have taken the dunny roll crisis into their own hands, and printed an entire lift out of emergency toilet paper, in case Territorians can’t find any at the shops.
When announcing today’s paper on Twitter last night, the NT News said they’d also be printing the special liftout of last-resort toot tissues, which absolutely sounded like a bloody gee-up.
BREAKING: WE ARE PRINTING A SPECIAL 8-PAGE LIFTOUT OF TOILET NEWSPAPER TOMORROW IN CASE YOU CAN’T FIND ANY AT THE SHOPS #coronavirus #toiletpapercrisis pic.twitter.com/XHlarEWOV9— The NT News (@TheNTNews) March 4, 2020
But the lords in the north followed through (so to speak) and printed a whole eight-page segment of rag you can rip up and use to wipe your bits. Truly some emergency toilet paper, I can’t believe we’ve actually come to this place.
Here it is in all its ridiculous, incredible glory.
YES, WE ACTUALLY DID PRINT IT #toiletpapercrisis pic.twitter.com/jusP50ojYu— The NT News (@TheNTNews) March 4, 2020
It’s interesting that the NT News was the one paper to take the piss a bit and actually print a range of just-in-case shit tickets, considering the Northern Territory has seemingly been the only state to not panic-buy an insane amount of emergency toilet paper this week.
LOOKS LIKE TERRITORIANS DON'T GIVE A SHIT #toiletpaper pic.twitter.com/8XH9dOt4ct— The NT News (@TheNTNews) March 3, 2020
One of the first things that came to my mind when I realised The NT News was very gung-ho about spending a motza to really see a joke to the end was “hang on, is this stuff flushable?” Because the absolute last thing you want is to have to deal with blocked pipes as well as not having any toilet paper. Truly, there is nothing worse.
PEDESTRIAN.TV reached out to The NT News to find out the deal on that, but for plumbing’s sake let’s just not flush the newspaper down the toot, yeah? Probably for the best we…do not do that.
So if you do end up having to go the emergency toilet paper route, first of all I am so sorry things have gotten that dire, and secondly make sure you pop it in the bin or the compost instead of down the loo. Nobody wants to be the one to have to call in the plumber and then explain why their dunny is backed up out the wazoo.
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