The Bachelors Recap: The Drama That Proves Channel 10 Should’ve Brought Back The Bachelorette

We’re back for another round of booze, Bachies and the one and only zaddy of Channel Ten, Osher Günsberg. Yep, it’s time for The Bachelors recap.

As this is a recap article, there will be spoilers. You have been warned.

To give you a quick rundown of last night’s episode, which kicked off the 11th Season, we were introduced to our three Bachelors — Brazillian-born Wesley, lumberjack Luke and our model of the season, Ben. On the first night, we kinda got our first feel for the villains of the season, who seem to be Lisa and Anastasia. One Bachie seemed to put all his eggs in one basket. There’s a love triangle involving two Bachcies and one contestant, proving The Bachelorette needs to return. And we also got our first eliminations, which included Chrystal, Carla, and Kristen.

Caught up? Good. Let the Bogan Bridgerton antics begin!

Me at my desk RN, maybe with less smiles.

We kicked off with our lads who’ve gathered at a fancy schmancy pub, where they began to “unload” the chaos of the first night and named their fave gals so far. For our resident hunky model Ben, he pointed out Angela as his fave. The sweet, sweet Wesley named Holly and Brea, and for lumberjack Luke, he mentioned Ellie, who he played tonsil tennis with on the first night.

Can you blame her? Man’s is foiiiinnneee.

Although Luke was smitten while reminiscing on his alone time with Ellie, Ben recapped the moment Luke seemingly grass-cut him when he tried to pull her for a chat.

Exhibit A as to why Channel Ten should bring back The Bachelorette.

After that tense talk, we’re brought back to Bachie Mansion, where all the girlies are hanging out, talking about why it’s a good idea to have multiple men (my worst nightmare) and all that jazz.

Side note: If I was one of the contestants from the first Bachelors I would be fuming. That house looks fookin’ stoonin’ in comparison to the pad from last season.

A lot of the girls who’ve gathered around the mansion fire pit expressed they wanna get to know all of them instead of putting their eggs in one basket *cough* Luke *cough*. Aarthi — who’s probably one the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen in my life — has a huge monologue about how the boys need to make an effort to get to know the contestants on a deeper level. Fucking love that!

The Logie for The most realest goes to

It’s time for our first single dates of the season. Let this shitstorm begin!

First up on our date, we got Luke, and he’s brought along — pause for suspense — Ellie. OMG, couldn’t see this one at all…

Me looking at the LED-lit menu at the kebab shop.

For the first date, Luke took Ellie on a rowboat in a heart-shaped pond/lake thingy. He said The Notebook was what inspired this little experience, which is very sweet IMO. After an awkies attempt to row the boat, Luke eventually got the boat going, and they were off.

In another part of Melbz, Ben selected Caitlin. For his first single date, our curly-headed Bachie took Caitlin on a helicopter ride to the Yarra Valley.

Shout out to the pilot who has to deal with the giggles.

Wesley — our sweet, sweet Bachie — took Jade for a stroll across Melbs. There was a snippet of the pair bonding over the fact that they weren’t from Victoria, with Jade from Queensland and Wes from NSW.

That smile does things to me lowkey…

In the first few minutes, the pair were already holding hands and swinging them like you would swing the lunch box milk crate with your lunch duty partner in primary school. It was so stinkin’ cute. Their first stop is, of course, Hosier Lane, which is known for its street art.

The Bachie surprised Jade with a cheeky opportunity to spray paint on one of the walls of Hosier Lane. The pair ultimately decided to do a painting of the world and chuck their initials next to their home countries. OK, I like it, Picasso! Also, it’s so funny watching the people in the background who seemed amused by the pair’s antics.

Hehehe the gals in the back want the TEA.

Ben and Caitlin eventually move their date to a fancy restaurant where things get a bit awkies. Ben seems to struggle to carry a conversation, which he admits to Caitlin.

He then told her it’s hard “to open up”, and Caitlin responded by saying she supports him but also lets it slip that many of the girls say he hasn’t opened up.

The pressure is getting worsah!

When Ben asked Caitlin what she was thinking, she said she was wondering how the other dates were going. Although it’s a genuine answer, it might’ve given the Bachie the impression that her mind was elsewhere.

Caitlin’s tea spill from earlier seems to have caught up with Ben as he squirms and fidgets during his confessional, saying that “no amount of editing” could cover up the cringe.

Yikes on a bloody bike.

Unlike those two, Jade and Wes had a spectacular time living their rom-com dreams in the city of Melbourne. Too bad no eshays were there to ruin it.

We’re now back at Luke and Ellie, who are still trying to figure out the whole rowing situation, but they eventually get things going. Unfortunately, Mother Nature had other plans and blew the bloody boat back to shore, so instead, the pair decided to bond around a cozy fire.

Luke decides to channel his inner alpha by starting a fire. It’s giving that one Spongebob Squarepants episode when Bikini Bottom discovers fire, and they eat everything…

Anyways, after channelling his inner alpha wolf, he switched into lumberjack mode and showed Ellie how to chop some wood. At the end of the date, Luke and Ellie decided to have a fire-side pash. yewwwww.

Now that the single dates are done, we’ve finally moved on to our first group date and let me just say the first one is a bloody doozy.

On the plus side, zaddy Osher is here to wrangle up all the chaos.

Osher surprised the contestants revealing their first group date was an underwater photoshoot.

oooo girl same.

The gals were then assigned to the Bachie who invited them on this ~unique~ group date. For our curly-haired Ben, he picked Angela, Anastasia, Natalie and Ellie. Yep, Ellie as in Luke’s Ellie. As Lisa said, “dramaaaaaaa”.

same girl same.

Luke picked Aarthi, McKenna, Madison and Lisa, and Wes picked Holly, Jade, Angie and Brea.

As if this group date idea wasn’t bonkers enough, they all have different themes. Ben’s group with be serving Swan Lake realness, Luke will be giving Posideon vibes and sweet, sweet Wes will be taking us to Heaven on Earth despite the date sounding like an aquatic hell.

Osher gave us one bomb before he transcended from the group date, which was that anyone who was involved in this episode’s shindig would be up for elimination. On the brighter side, one girl from each group will be selected to join their Bachie back at their Bachie pad. Oh, la la.

Not so slayyyy innit?

At one point, Ben was talking about something really deep about sustainability and bananas, but to be honest, I was waaay too distracted with his eyeliner. It was giving Jed McIntosh 2.0 — also, Holly stole the show with an adorable attempt at flirting. Ugh, she’s such a queen.

When I was a young boy….

Lisa — who’s kinda been hinted at as this season’s villain — decided to check on Luke with the other gals in his group. During this time, Lisa made her intentions clear with the other girls, demanding more one-on-one time with the former NRL player.

I high-key love her spicy vibes!

Finally, it’s photoshoot time, and I am cackling. Channel Ten, what are y’all doing to these folks!!!! Angela even told Ben on the first night that she couldn’t swim. What a perfect date for her to kick off with, amirite?

Anyway, here’s the first pic of this bonkers date.

How I look at Krispy Kreme’s original glaze.

A shitstorm is about to rock The Bachelors boat after Ben picked Ellie to come back to his Bachelor pad at the end of the challenge. Again, more proof as to why The Bachelorette needs to come back.

Next up is Luke’s group serving Greek Mythology realness. Channel Ten, you’re deffs taking the piss.

Just look at this:

Me with all the fucks I give.

Unfortunately for Lisa, Aarthi was picked for the one-on-one Bachie pad date with Luke due to her attitude and silliness throughout whole photoshoot.

What I found quite suss was that Luke invited Aarathi in front of the group, whereas Ben did it privately in a gym. It looks like this love triangle is heading for the Bermuda Triangle, and I’m all aboard for the tea.

Finally, Wes comes through with Australia’s take on the Met Gala’s Heavenly Bodies theme. Although the date and the photos have all been quite cringe, this definitely has to be my favourite out of the three.

OMG both of their feet are pointing up like in the Rom-Coms!!!

At the end of the date, Brea was the chosen gal for Wes. FYI she’s not the woman in the pic above.

During Aarthi and Luke’s one-on-one date, she opened up about how her family didn’t approve of her being on the dating show. Luke then revealed he was called a pelican by a family member for signing on for The Bachelors.

After bonding over similar experiences, the pair made their way to PASH CITY.

I lowkey stan this couple.

Unfortunately, Ben’s date started awkwardly as he struggled to open up to Ellie. Eventually, the ball gets rolling once Ellie starts to lead the conversation. Unfortunately, there was no snog at the end of that tunnel.

Brea and Wesley’s date began with a very deep conversation. During their chat, Wes revealed that he was a virgin and that sex was a value he held very close to his heart.

Brea expresses that she’s worried that he won’t progress as fast as she wants him to due to this info. Instead of a kiss, the date ends with a cute hug.

a cozy little cuddle.

Ugh, after the swimming, the lumberjacking and awkward conversations, it’s Rose ceremony time, AKA Osher time, baby.

Ben kicked off the ceremony by picking *gasp* Ellie. The triangle is triangling!!!

Queen Holly was the last gal to grab a rose, causing Angie to be evicted from the villa. I mean, mansion. Woof, there are too many love shows on RN!

Things began to heat up after Holly revealed she got a letter from Wes after the rose ceremony. Just as she’s about to read it we got cockblocked by a “to be continued” title card. Booooo, tomato, tomato, tomato.

Guess we’ll have to wait until the next episode to see what the cheeky letter says. Hopefully, it’s gossip that’ll bring more drama. Muwahahahahaha.

Catch The Bachelors on Channel Ten at 7.30pm Sunday to Wednesday. You can also stream it on 10Play.