Stranger Things season four is on the way and somehow promo for it has involved putting a massive, tentacled vagina— sorry, I mean a “rift to the Upside Down” on Bondi Beach.

It turns out Netflix has been popping the pussies all over the world to celebrate Stranger Things. And lucky Sydney got its very own. Wow.

Not sure how the Bondi mums will feel about clocking this on their morning jog.

The “rift” is 20 by 16 metres in size which is, in short, really very big. Netflix has described it as as having “branch-like vines protruding from a glowing red centre” which is a very polite way of saying “vagina tentacles”.

I feel like I’ve accidentally stumbled across some 2014 Tumblr porn but hey. All vaginas are beautiful, even accidental ones.

On a scale of one to ten, how Freudian is it if I want to sit in the big rift vagina? No one tell my therapist about this, she’s got enough to deal with already.

Rifts will also appear at landmarks like the Empire State Building in New York and Duomo Square in Milan.

They’ll be popping up in 14 countries in total, so people across the world will have the rare opportunity to look into this gaping red vaginal eye and have it stare back at them. What a treat.

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The more I stare at it the more I want to tenderly caress one of those tentacles which is, in a word, concerning.

Alas this glorious birthing centre of hell was only at Bondi until midday on Friday so if you didn’t get to see it in person, tough titties.

The more I stare at this glorious creation, the more I think this should actually be a permanent installation at Bondi Beach. I will be petitioning the local council and will volunteer for pube— sorry, tentacle maintenance myself if I have to.

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