We Are Sad To Report Andrew Garfield Is Back On His Hetero Bullshit

Folks, the straights are at it again!

Specifically one straight that is, Andrew Garfield, the former Spider-Man and skinny hottie who I very much wanted to kiss on the mouth once upon a time, is back on his bullshit and I am simply not here for it.

It’s actually part-two of his ongoing series of “Straights Say The Darndest Things!”, after dropping the whole I am a gay man right now just without the physical act” thing last year which, NO ANDREW BAD, and now we’ve got this new bit of half-thought-through garbage from him.

On the publicity tour ahead of reprising his portrayal of Prior Walter in the iconic queer theatre piece ‘Angels in America‘ on Broadway, Garfield sat down for a chat with OUT Magazine and like many heteros trying to pique interest from the queer community before him, dropped this little doozy:

Up until this point, I’ve only been sexually attracted to women. My stance toward life, though, is that I always try to surrender to the mystery of not being in charge…

I have an openness to any impulses that may arise within me at any time. But, if I were to identify, I would identify as heterosexual.

Hello Andrew Garfield, you’re either queer or you’re not ok? These kind of vague insinuations about “being open to impulses” or whatever are queerbaity as fuck and only really function to embarrass yourself.

Watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race doesn’t make you gay. Believing yourself to be ~open~ to future experiences doesnt make you gay. Being GAY makes you GAY.

Some sites have already taken the bait and are running with shit like “Andrew Garfield Elaborates On His Sexuality” and “Andrew Garfield Is Open To Impulses”, like he’s actually revealed something of import as opposed to the reality of the situation where he’s only really confirmed that he’s as straight as an episode of Entourage.

I understand what Andrew is doing here to be honest. As he is playing a homosexual man in a seminal piece of queer art, he is 100% appealing to gay men to consider him not only a palatable choice for the role, but as a sexual object within hypothetical reach.

By fueling the idea that he isn’t gay at the moment but MIGHT be in the future *wink wink* Garfield is dishonestly seeking to gain the attention and affection of queer men (and sell some play tickets at the same time) and I’m calling bullshit on it.

Once again, stay in your lane Andrew. Stop trying to underhandedly identify as a member of our community when you are entirely inadmissible. THANKS.