A tactless humpback whale the size of a magic school bus overstayed its welcome at Bondi Beach today when it dropped in on a pod of about fifteen surfers. After tossing them into their air with its tail, one man was knocked unconscious and the rest were sent “flying like skittles” into the picture perfect Walden sky on an otherwise average Sunday morning.
According to the Sydney Morning Herald, a crowd of Bondi archetypes borrowed from a sketch comedy series including “posers and cafe drinkers” [people who consume entire macrobiotic small businesses whole?] watched on as the whale frolicked 30m offshore before diving underneath the surfers – a classic Marco-Polo move – and unleashing hell.
Paramedics were promptly called to The Scene as the injured man’s fellow surfers and Bondi Rescue pulled him to shore. He was later taken to St Vincent’s Hospital to be treated for head injuries where he’s in a stable condition and hopefully someone brought him Messina.
“What a dinner party story for the surfer!” observed one witness. “How many people get beaten up by a whale on an average Sunday morning?” he asked.
One. Exactly one.
Photo: @caemkei on Instagram