Racist Crumpled Paper Bag Donald Sterling To Sue NBA For The Heck Of It

2014 Bigot Of The Year/man who bears a striking resemblance to a crumpled up paper bag Donald Sterling has already given so much, in terms of mystifyingly poor decisions and poorer explanations, but he is not quite done yet.

On Friday, former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer bought Sterling’s former team the LA Clippers for $2 billion, bringing to an end – one would think – the ugly saga of racism and money that’s consistently entertained us since April. But in true Sterling fashion, he’s managed to milk a little more infamy out of the sale, filing a BILLION DOLLAR LAWSUIT against the NBA. What? Why?

According to ESPN, Sterling’s lawyer says the suit addresses the “invasion of his constitutional rights, violation of antitrust laws, breach of fiduciary duty and breach of contract” and has “nothing to do with the sale”.

Sounds serious. Except, according to NBA Executive Vice President Rick Buchanan, he’s got Buckley’s: “Mr. Sterling’s lawsuit is predictable, but entirely baseless… Among other infirmities, there was no ‘forced sale’ of his team by the NBA — which means his antitrust and conversion claims are completely invalid. Since it was his wife Shelly Sterling, and not the NBA, that has entered into an agreement to sell the Clippers, Mr. Sterling is complaining about a set of facts that doesn’t even exist.”

On top of all of that, the Sterling family agreed not to sue the NBA and to absolve the league of litigation by others, including Donald Sterling. Oops. Thanks for the story, Donnie!