The shine has officially started to wear off, my friends, and we’re only ten episodes in to ‘Married At First Sight‘, the show that will tempt you into succumbing to your basest reality TV desires and then scar you for life with an image of Dean the Sexist in a paper g-string.
I’ve lost my lunch, my respect for myself, and my will to live.
Elsewhere in the episode, we had Sarah & Telv being adorable, Charlene & Patrick being adorable, Nasser & Gabrielle being notably absent but presumably also adorable, and some earnest crying and making up on the behalf of Mat and Alycia.
Most entertaining (in my humble opinion) was the increasingly slapstick relationship between Troy and Ashley, which I’ve started to enjoy a lot more now that I’ve stopped thinking of Troy as a person and started admiring Ashley for being, essentially, a pretty good dog trainer.
Of course, I and the rest of Australia did throw things at the TV when Troy announced that women are bad at putting furniture together, then proceeded to look perplexed at the instructions while reciting numbers like a broken Speak-n-Spell with a wig glued to it.
No-one likes Troy. At least there’s one thing we can all agree on, as a nation.
Troy doing a countdown every time he turns the light off. He is deadset one of the most annoying blokes I’ve ever seen on tv ???? #MAFS— Alice ???????? (@alicevictoria19) February 12, 2018
Troy saying Ashley was lucky by getting the flat pack together lol what an utter knob he is. #mafs— DeluxeStormBorn™ (@LorettaLgie01) February 12, 2018
Of course, the REAL interesting shit is going on with Dean and Tracey and Davina. Poor Tracey. Even though she managed to get Dean’s dick out on national TV in the most humiliating way possible, he’s still pulling a fast one on her, texting Davina (who is giving me deeply unpleasant flashbacks to Grade 9) and musing to camera about how she’s pretty hot, sometimes, but maybe she’s not actually hot, but actually overall she’s attractive, yeah.
Oh, and he chucks in some high-grade bullshit about his sexual scumbaggery being a congenital Sydney person thing. Right.
"I'm from Sydney so I can't commit monogamously."— Clementine Ford (@clementine_ford) February 12, 2018
Yeah, that's not a thing Dean. #mafs
Dean kept sleeping with Tracy when he knew he didn't want her, then manipulated her into being ok with keeping things 'open' by convincing her she's naive cos she's from Perth (?), then somehow got HER to apologise and THANK him for staying. Classic knobcloud. RUN GURL. #MAFS— Rosie Waterland (@RosieWaterland) February 12, 2018
Dean is gas lighting Tracey. The only reason I'm watching this is because of my brother is a groom but ffs abuse isn't entertainment #MAFS— Tarneen (@Tarneen) February 12, 2018
The previews for next ep promise us a Dean and Davina date, which looks like the visual embodiment of how the combination of spray tan and Impulse smells, i.e. like it should be illegal. Can’t wait!