The shine has officially started to wear off, my friends, and we’re only ten episodes in to ‘Married At First Sight‘, the show that will tempt you into succumbing to your basest reality TV desires and then scar you for life with an image of Dean the Sexist in a paper g-string.

I’ve lost my lunch, my respect for myself, and my will to live.

Elsewhere in the episode, we had Sarah & Telv being adorable, Charlene & Patrick being adorable, Nasser & Gabrielle being notably absent but presumably also adorable, and some earnest crying and making up on the behalf of Mat and Alycia.

Most entertaining (in my humble opinion) was the increasingly slapstick relationship between Troy and Ashley, which I’ve started to enjoy a lot more now that I’ve stopped thinking of Troy as a person and started admiring Ashley for being, essentially, a pretty good dog trainer.

Of course, I and the rest of Australia did throw things at the TV when Troy announced that women are bad at putting furniture together, then proceeded to look perplexed at the instructions while reciting numbers like a broken Speak-n-Spell with a wig glued to it.

No-one likes Troy. At least there’s one thing we can all agree on, as a nation.

Of course, the REAL interesting shit is going on with Dean and Tracey and Davina. Poor Tracey. Even though she managed to get Dean’s dick out on national TV in the most humiliating way possible, he’s still pulling a fast one on her, texting Davina (who is giving me deeply unpleasant flashbacks to Grade 9) and musing to camera about how she’s pretty hot, sometimes, but maybe she’s not actually hot, but actually overall she’s attractive, yeah.

Oh, and he chucks in some high-grade bullshit about his sexual scumbaggery being a congenital Sydney person thing. Right.

The previews for next ep promise us a Dean and Davina date, which looks like the visual embodiment of how the combination of spray tan and Impulse smells, i.e. like it should be illegal. Can’t wait!