Oh no, my friends. What have we done.
Our voracious viewing habits have brought about the continued existence of the slow, public, voluntary emotional torture known as ‘Married At First Sight‘, and at tonight’s commitment ceremony, the first of the season, we saw the experts’ dastardly techniques really start to take their toll.
At least there was a bit of light and love in the room, with Patrick and Charlene, Nasser and Gabrielle, and (especially) Telv and Sarah all looking genuinely stoked on each other. Aww.
The Nation’s favourite investment.
Telv & Sarah!@MarriedAU #MAFS #MAFSSweethearts pic.twitter.com/OJpE7ACKDz
— Jenkins_Catkins (@Jenkins_Catkins) February 11, 2018
https://twitter.com/BellaBatkovic/status/962615464097533954
Ladies, find yourself a Telv 😍 #MAFS pic.twitter.com/Odi5XgkqBD
— NW Magazine (@NWmag) February 11, 2018
The feels! 😩❤️ #MAFS pic.twitter.com/CVTALeAb91
— Married At First Sight (@MarriedAU) February 11, 2018
(I’m NOT crying, YOU are the one who is crying.)
But obviously we’re not here to see couples actually fall in love and enter into a stable, committed partnership. We’re here to see couples CRASH AND BURN, and tonight gave us exactly that.
We had Troy and Ashley, both of whom inexplicably decided to stay, despite the fact that every moment she spends resisting the urge to strangle her husband is clearly costing Ashley years off her life span (and despite the fact that Troy continues to act like a poorly-programmed android beamed onto Planet Earth by asexual aliens).
Ashley: *drops the mic* 🎤 #MAFS pic.twitter.com/YCRdst3LJI
— Married At First Sight (@MarriedAU) February 11, 2018
Telv whilst Troy & Ashley were talking #MAFS pic.twitter.com/dr6sByygQH
— Jaimee Campbell (@jaimee1989) February 11, 2018
Then there’s the tragedy of Jo being deserted by her sweaty beau, Sean, in a move she found completely blindsiding – though the satisfaction of seeing her call him a douchebag to his face is pretty unrivalled.
Sparks aren’t flying for Sean and Jo. 😢 #MAFS pic.twitter.com/U61A5RKbzQ
— Married At First Sight (@MarriedAU) February 11, 2018
https://twitter.com/akagillies/status/962598086240382976
Oh Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo. You are such a beautiful woman and you deserve every happiness. I just wish that you had seen the lack of feeling from Sean. #MAFS
— Samantha Prior (She/Her) (@Sam_ShortNRare) February 11, 2018
Who wouldn’t love Jo?! #MAFS pic.twitter.com/skYEQhGkXO
— NW Magazine (@NWmag) February 11, 2018
And THEN, to cap off a whole parade of betrayals, we’ve got Dean the Sexist gushing over his bride Tracey, before unceremoniously dropping her without giving her so much as a heads-up beforehand. She has the composure to sputter, “We were intimate this morning!“, which is a lot more polite than I would have been, to be perfectly frank with you.
Well, we didn’t see that coming… 😳 #MAFS pic.twitter.com/SM0iHleAPY
— Married At First Sight (@MarriedAU) February 11, 2018
https://twitter.com/AngelWhite2015/status/962620994614521858
https://twitter.com/scarsparkles/status/962619489140404224
Dean, you’re a tool. Wanting to leave isn’t the issue. Not talking about it and screwing her in the morning when you’d already made your mind up is the problem. #MAFS
— Isobel Ardent (@isobelardent) February 11, 2018
Dean is exactly why so many women don’t trust men. #jerk #MAFS
— Slap_dash_mama (@susiepkmelb) February 11, 2018
Don’t even get me started on Davina‘s cartoonish reaction to this plot twist, either.
Considering that if one partner wants to leave and the other wants to stay, the producers force them both to tough it out for another week – and considering the extremely infidelity-looking previews for next week – tomorrow’s show is going to be one wild ride.