LET’S TALK ABOUT THE #SPILL

In the continual knife battle that is the Labor Party, yet another #spill waged in Canberra last night.  

This time, a bizarre ultimatum came with the caucus room ballot:   

Just kidding, it wasn’t that terrible. The ballot came with some hefty stakes: winner takes all; loser can politely fuck off forever. 

After news coverage that was pretty much this for forty minutes, 

A result was announced. The dude that runs isjuliagillardstillpm.com finally got to refresh his website in glee, for the first time in 3 years. Kevin Rudd, Australia’s Lego man lookalike, mandarin speaking, gay marriage supporting, swear-happy politician is now leader of the Labor Party.  

As big as that is, we kind of wish this was the result instead, five stars: 

Unlike the bawling mess Rudd made of himself when he was in the position Julia Gillard is in today; Ms Gillard’s speech after the decision was steadfastly sob-free. They certainly didn’t keep calling her a “warrior” for nothing. Instead of being flanked by family like Rudd’s farewell three years ago, Gillard stood alone and spoke of her proudest moments during her leadership: NDIS, education reforms, starting the Royal commission in to child sex abuse.   

The bloody theatrics of the #spill naturally spawned the term #Ruddwedding, and inspired things like this, while everyone referred to Rudd’s victory as taking the “throne”: 

You can only imagine the collective hysteria of journalists last night as they scrambled to think of a headline to out-pun each other on their front pages. However they must have exhausted all their witty double entendres on Tuesday with the former Prime Minister Gillard’s infamous knitting photo-shoot (meanwhile at Women’s Weekly: *nervously burns every copy of this month’s issue; prepares their Kevin Rudd crocheting shoot for next month*), because all the Daily Telegraph could come up with this morning is a gross sounding word that isn’t even remotely a word: their headline reads, “SWEET KEVENGE”. Yuck.

With Gillard’s formal quit from politics came a procession of her loyal comrades turning in with her: Peter Garrett, Wayne Swan, Stephen Conroy, Greg Combet and Craig Emerson (in Septmber). Other shifts in the party include: Anthony Albanese is Deputy leader of the Labor Party; Penny Wong is the first female to hold the Senate Leader position, Chris Bowen is treasurer. 

Meanwhile:

And now, after Governor General Quentin Bryce swore him in this morning, Kevin Rudd is now Prime Minister of Australia. Again.