Well Shit-A-Brick, Karl Stefanovic Is Reportedly On The Verge Of A ‘Today’ Comeback

Karl Stefanovic is reportedly being courted for a high-profile return to The Today Show, with one significant catch: Nine boss Hugh Marks wants the guy to take a hefty pay cut if he returns to the breakfast TV mainstay.

I have an alternative proposal. As PEDESTRIAN.TV is now owned by Nine, Marks should consider making me the host. More on that later.

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According to The Australian, Stefanovic, who was bounced from the role last year amid a sudden surge in negative publicity, has been courted to replace current Today hosts Georgie Gardner and Deb Knight. 60 Minutes reporter Allison Langdon has apparently been suggested as a potential co-host.

The discussion comes during a period of turgid ratings for the current crew. The Daily Telegraph reports Today nabbed just 155,000 viewers on Friday, down by nearly 20,000 since February, and Nine is probably not too keen to repeat that downfall.

Of course, this all presupposes Stefanovic’s return would boost ratings in the first place. Without even considering lagging ratings at the end of his tenure, the guy was the target of some pretty negative coverage surrounding his divorce from ex-wife Cassandra Thorburn and marriage to Jasmine Yarbrough; then there was the whole Uber incident, in which Stefanovic was recorded bagging Gardner, The Today Show mainstay Richard Wilkins, and a suite of Nine execs.

Which leads me to the fact I should be the next host, should a position become available.

As PEDESTRIAN.TV’s morning guy, I already wake up at the crack of fuck to log on and post content, and I imagine The Today Show‘s makeup crew is skilled enough to make this mug palatable to early morning viewers. I would also accept half of whatever they want to pay Stefanovic. I would probably do it for a firm handshake and first dibs on leftover pies. Simply put, I am ready for my time to shine. How hard could it be to host a breakfast TV show while monstrously hungover?

Nine did not return PEDESTRIAN.TV’s request for comment. We did not ask if they could make me the host, but we’ll let you know if it happens.