Gwyneth Paltrow Tacitly Endorses Butt Stuff & Mocks Chris Martin At Same Time

Gwyneth Paltrow may or may not have unwittingly provided a little bit of insight into the sex lives of her and her new hubby Brad Falchuk, and the one she shared with her Coldplay ex, Chris Martin.

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As uncovered by Comments by Celebs (982K followers!), the Insta you’re gonna wanna follow right now, Paltrow appears to have commented on a meme from the Instagram famous @crazybitchprobs_ (1.6 million followers, baby!), where she reposts a tweet from @Carlyycattt (18.9K followers, ye!).

The tweet from April last year, an exercise in v. vanilla but maybe a li’l kinky gals shouting “TOO REAL“, reads:

I wanted to die after my ex left me but than I found somebody that died me up and stuck their thumb in my ass. Life is about growth.

Sounds hot. And true: life really is about growth.

Anyway, Paltrow seems to think so too, commenting on the ‘Grammed tweet a simple response: “Preach“.

Gwynny babes, what are you saying here? (If we assume you are saying anything more than: wow, what a funny meme).

Because to me this implies a number of things:

  1. Chris Martin left Paltrow after 11 years of marriage in 2014 – which doesn’t sound so much like ‘conscious uncoupling’ at all.
  2. The bloke she married in the Hamptons in September last year, TV writer and producer, Brad Falchuk, ties her up and has stuck his thumb in her arse during intercourse.
  3. Chris Martin did not do those totally normal, sexy as long as enthusiastically consensual, things.

Paltrow, with one word, one sweet Insta joke, has just outed herself as a straight-up minx in the bedroom, and her ex as someone who cannot abide very low-level kink and butt stuff. Which is doubly funny in a weird way because Martin’s new squeeze is Fifty Shades lead Dakota Johnson.

I have no doubt Paltrow was titillated reading those books, just like every other woman in the entire world who could overlook E.L. James‘ rubbish prose (everyone).

Paltrow is a fave on the Comments by Celebs page, because she is very happy to make fun of herself at basically all times, and also loves memes. A dedicated follower of memes. Proof:

There you have it: you now know something you didn’t want or need to know about Gwyneth Paltrow’s sex life, and we all got to look at memes together. What a great day.