Twitter is a mostly terrible website filled with mostly terrible things, but every now and then it produces something sublime, like this tale of a family who tried to spread their beloved grandma’s ashes at the beach, before the whole thing went terribly, hilariously wrong.
The thread was shared a few days ago – by former PEDESTRIAN writer Mitch Feltsheer, as it happens – and has since gone wild, and with bloody good reason, as you’ll soon see.
It all started a year after their grandma’s funeral, when the extended family gathered at her favourite spot by the ocean, to spread her ashes and quietly reflect on her life.
Unfortunately, it was an extremely windy day, but if you think you know where the story’s going based on that, then go ahead and read on:
The hardest I’ve ever laughed in my entire life was a few years ago at my grandma’s ashes scattering ceremony. A Thread:
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
Or as my dad (who was inexplicably in charge of proceedings) described it “everyone grabs a placcy cup and a scoop of grandma and you can go chuck her wherever you want”.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
I’m talking borderline cyclonic, like, you couldn’t even crack open her urn without a bit of grandma escaping and flitting straight into the nearest cousin’s face.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
After the task of getting a couple of 50 year-old aunties in heels down a steep path (fun!), we gathered in the winter sun and Dad hitched up his pants and awkwardly hobbled out into the sea.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
At this point my brothers and I are holding in laughter at the absolute scene going down in front of us when suddenly the unmistakeable sound of a jetski rounds the headland and two 20-somethings come gunning straight for where grandma is falling into the sea.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
My brothers and I are in physical agony trying not to laugh at this point, as dad comes ambling back to the shore to a dozen or so silent Feltscheers trying to comprehend what just happened.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
And thats how I ended up sprawled on the sand on a Sunday morning, clutching my sides laughing as my dead grandma’s ashes get churned out the back of a jetski. FIN.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018
The horrifically funny story has been shared all over Twitter, with the likes of Judd Apatow, Jay Duplass and The Beek From The Creek all sharing it.
Wow this is cool it makes me feel like I’m standing … On a “One Tree Hill” pic.twitter.com/O9Cg1JC2s0
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) June 2, 2018
We had a quick chat to Mitch, who told us that late night host James Corden even slid into his DMs to thank him, saying that the story had him in tears, especially the line about the jet ski.
“I replied with ‘hire me bitch!’” Mitch told us. “Not really. But I did imply he could hire me.”
RIP, nanna, and thank you for the laughs.
