True as it can be, Disney are producing a live-action, 3D adaptation of the tale as old as time itself, Beauty and The Beast, confirming long-held suspicions that fairy tale revamps have now succeeded comic books and vampires as Hollywood’s unimaginative fodder of choice and in doing so have already outstayed their welcome. 

[Queue soundtrack]

Throwing a pillow-soft snowball in the face of a Guillermo del Toro helmed Beauty adaptation for Warner Bros. (starring titular beauty Emma Watson) the studio are reportedly in talks with Danny Boyle’s Trance writer Joe Ahearne to ‘reboot’ The Beast with a much darker edge, akin to Tim Burton’s revisionist retelling of Alice in Wonderland; or the now-showing Oz: The Great and Powerful; or the Kenneth Branagh-directed live-action Cinderella remake; or Angelina Jolie’s gothic remake of Sleeping Beauty, Maleficent, or any other number of Jack and The Beanstalk, Hansel & Gretel, Tarzan, Little Mermaid, Snow Queen, Snow White, Red Riding Hood and Peter Pan remakes which are currently in the works or have already been rehashed in the last few years for film and television. 

A live action, 3D reboot of Beauty and The Beast, however, would be a welcome addition to the burgeoning canon. A grim remake probably wouldn’t include the original cartoon’s musical numbers, but if it did, can you imagine this delicious orgiastic bacchanal for one with anthropomorphised flatware and camp-as-a-row-of-tents candelabras; or Gaston’s egocentric paean to himself in the pub; or the opening number with its little town and the joys of provincial life

It would the best worst thing ever and it had better come with sing-along subtitles. 

Just kidding. I don’t need those rookie cheat notes. 

via Deadline