Baywatch demigod David Hasselhoff has been in town to promote an Australian iced treat (a delicious one that cleverly toes the line between creamy and refreshing*), and every interview he has done since touching down for the two-day promo gig has provided little to dispel my theory that he’s a weirdo creep-Dad. So without further adieu, from regurgitated Hoff standards (Berlin Wall concert, Baywatch babes) to life philosophies, here are the Best David Hasselhoff Soundbytes since he’s been in Australia.
1. When asked about what he liked the most about Australia when arriving on Bondi Beach via jet ski, he said: “The two things that are walking next to me” referring to two models wearing red Baywatch-style swimsuits.
Image via 2DayFM
2. But seriously, there’s a lot of other stuff he said he likes about Australian people: “You’re healthy and you know how to party and have fun, you know how to take the piss out of everybody and I believe that’s what life is really all about.” Agreed.
3. When Sydney Confidential writer Amy Harris asked what he would choose for his last meal if he was on death row he said, “It probably would be Diet RedBull so that I could stay awake to actually experience death perfectly.” Firstly, that is hands down the worst answer for that question of all time. Secondly, something suspect is definitely going on with the Hoff and diet RedBull.
4. He discussed the Australian origins of his nickname: “When I was 50 years old I got a little email from The Telegraph saying the secretaries were sending viral emails back and forth about ‘The Hoff’ and I said “What’s the Hoff?!?!!”” You mean we were the ones who started that whole internet ‘Hoff’ phenomenon? Congratulations us, we invented memes!
5. When asked about his Baywatch co-star Pamela Anderson he said, “We are close but I would love to have been closer to her. But she was always running and I was always running.” Newsflash Dave, 80 per cent of people with a penis wanted “to have been closer to her” during Baywatch. (Although, if memory serves those two did do a lot of running.)
6. On his other female co-stars he said: “Yasmine Bleeth was hot.” “Erika Eleniak was sizzling hot.” And what about Alexandra Paul who played Lieutenant Stephanie Holden? “She is probably my favourite because she was the epitome of a lifeguard. She fights for Greenpeace and does a lot of work for the environment.” Ack! The personality compliment! – obvious code for “one with the smallest boobs”.
7. “I have a music career over in Germany.”
*Dear Splice. Please send a box of ice blocks to Pedestrian.