Former Bachelorette and Bachelor In Paradise hopeful Blake Coleman has reached an all-new level of cringe after posting an Instagram story on how his ex, current Bachelor favourite Brooke Blurton, left him to go “full lesbian.”
There is a LOT to unpack here, folks, so strap the fuck in.
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First things first, I was completely bloody shook to learn that these two dated, although it shouldn’t be a surprise, since Bachie contestants appear to inhabit their own weird little ecosystem where they only date and hook up with other would-be social media celebrities and influencers.
Brooke, it turns out, actually spoke to Women’s Day about their brief relationship way back in August, saying: “We used to see each other but it didn’t really work out … I don’t like to judge, but I got an eerie feeling from him.” Girl, fucking SAME.
Cut to Wednesday night’s episode of The Bachelor, where Brooke, after a weird and uncomfortable meeting with a ‘human lie detector’, shared her momentous, Earth-shattering secret with suitor Nick Cummins … she is bisexual, and has dated men and women in the past.
While that’s not remotely a big deal in this day and age, and is nothing to feel weird about, the show treated it like a gigantic bloody revelation. While Bachie fans were busy being extremely underwhelmed by the big reveal, however, Blake Coleman realised it was his time to shine.
Taking to his Insta stories the day after the episode aired, he wrote:
“Is now the right time to tell you that I was dating Brooke during the exact moment she decided to turn full lesbian? I literally have no hope with women. Just for the record she is a dope chick and a really good human. But guys, you have not felt pain and confusion until a girl leaves you for a girl.”
Yikes. I mean, turning “full lesbian” after dating a guy is not how being bisexual works, but yeah … I guess it’s nice to know that Brooke is a “good human” and not, I dunno, some kind of weird reality TV lizard person.
Brooke was an early favourite to win Nick Cummins’ heart on The Bachie, but now he seems more into front-runner Brittany Hockley, although there’s a rumour the two of them have already gone their separate ways, so who the hell knows?
I guess we’ll see all of these people on the next season of Bachelor In Paradise. As long as queen Vanessa Sunshine is there, I’m good.
