The feud between Jimmy Kimmel and Matt Damon is as long-running as it is well documented, but never before has their salty relationship been subject to the full Academy Awards treatment. Still, when Kimmel was given the shot to hang shit on his nemesis while hosting the Oscars, you better believe he took it. 

It started before proceedings even got underway, with a snide little Insta post.

Best Picture Vominee Matt Damon #Oscars

A post shared by Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) on

Damon retaliated on the Red Carpet, essentially saying Kimmel is merely a puppet for a team of actually-competent humans.

Kimmel clocked that one, too.

He also had his first major victory during his opening monologue. It worshipped Her Highness Meryl Streep, but ol’ mate Matty didn’t land any of that affection. Kimmel let the audience know “I’ve known Matt so long, when I first met Matt, I was the fat one. True. And we’ve had problems – he’s a selfish person. Those of you who’ve worked with him know this.

“But Matt did something very unselfish, and I want to commend him for it. For real. Matt, as you probably know, could have starred in Manchester By The Sea… he could have taken that lead actor part for himself. 

“But he didn’t. He gave that role to Casey Affleck, his childhood friend. He handed what turned out to be an Oscar-calibre role over to his childhood friend, and he made a Chinese ponytail movie instead.

“And that movie, The Great Wall, went on to lose eighty million dollars. Smooth move, dumbass.”

When Kimmel welcomed that busload of random tourists to the Dolby Theatre, he introduced ’em to Casey Affleck – but told the crew to ignore the “jerk” Damon sitting behind him.

Some time later, Damon managed to trip Kimmel while he was walking down the aisle. That was almost nothing compared to Kimmel’s full-on production about how much Damon’s flick We Bought A Zoo is thoroughly bang-average.

Then, when old mate Ben Affleck was tasked with reading out a list of nominees, the man introduced as “Guest” – yup, Damon – was played out instantaneously by the orchestra, led by Kimmel:

Finally, just before the colossal fuck-up that was the Best Picture award, Kimmel announced to the crowd that it was his favourite time – when he’d get to watch Damon lose out on another gong.

This battle isn’t over. It’ll probably last until the heat death of the universe – or, until the general public loses its interest. When that happens, and the most tedious historians of the future examine this weird pop-cult beef, they’ll note the 2017 Academy Awards as its absolute zenith. 

Photo: Jimmy Kimmel / Instagram.

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