Gather round, my friends, and hear a story of how an entire online demographic was hoodwinked by a man who doesn’t exist. Our story begins with…
Catfishing! The uniquely new-millennium charlatanry phenomenon, wherein a person pretends to be someone they’re not on the internet in order to swindle others out of love, attention and money. It’s usually a sad as hell crime committed by soulless demons preying on the vulnerable and innocent (please see Casey Donovan‘s heartbreaking case), but sometimes it’s just funny as hell.
Case in point: Parks Denton.
Whom or what, you might ask, is Parks Denton?
Apparently, he was a Twitter account that appeared to be run by a moderately handsome gay man in New York. Denton showed up on the Gay Twitter scene a few years back, interacting with a bunch of people with a spectrum of flirty behaviours, including DM-sliding.
Of course, the problem with all of this is that Denton was not real. His pics were stolen from at least two different blokes, and the guys who he set up dates with ended up drinking on their lonesome.
It was in fact one of these lonesome drinking guys who was the catalyst to all of Gay Twitter twigging to the con.
I think I was 🐱🐠-ed tonight… Men are trash.
I ate (literal) 🍌 pudding tho and now I feel better.
Deciding if I should out his @ or not 🤔
— Alex (@thedealwithalex) August 25, 2017
Someone put two and two together…
https://twitter.com/e_alexjung/status/905282570253991937
And then an entire chorus of hoodwinked blokes started to sing as one:
YES
— Adam Goldman (@theadamgoldman) September 6, 2017
OH MY GOD WAIT A SECOND
— Alp Ozcelik (@alplicable) September 6, 2017
It all just clicked
— Alp Ozcelik (@alplicable) September 6, 2017
All of Gay Twitter has realized en masse tonight that they are NOT currently dating a catfish named Parks Denton
— Seth Abramovitch (@SethAbramovitch) September 6, 2017
https://twitter.com/alex_abads/status/905269631417507842
https://twitter.com/RyanHoulihan/status/905283451607273472
Obviously Denton (“Denton”) has now deleted his account, presumably because of stuff like this:
@ParksDenton your profile pic is actually my friend. That’s hella creepy, stop. @Twitter this is why I reported this account
— DI (@princessdi523) September 5, 2017
For someone with so many people on his hook, this particular catfish seemed pretty new to the game. I mean, don’t use the pictures of a gay man in New York if you’re trying to impersonate a gay man in New York, my dude/gal!
Obviously this particular community is really taking this in stride, despite how remarkable far-reaching Denton’s scam really was. Most blokes catfished by this particular bait were left simply wondering: how did they fall for Parks fucken Denton?
https://twitter.com/adamjk/status/905416989774139396
how was the first clue not “Parks Denton”
— ✨ Caroline D Framke ✨ (@carolineframke) September 6, 2017
I was saying this to my roommate LAST NIGHT. “This guy chatted me up and he’s cute but his name is a plural noun so can I live with that?”
— Adam Goldman (@theadamgoldman) September 6, 2017
I mean, I thought it was pretty obvious from Parks Denton’s profile photo: pic.twitter.com/Ox4zSh1B2w
— Matt (@UsefulTheory) September 6, 2017
So I kept scrolling by the Parks Denton tweets because I thought the name was a Twin Peaks spoiler. This is…weirder.
— Alyssa Jennette (@AlyssaJennette) September 6, 2017
This season on Twink Peaks
— Adam Goldman (@theadamgoldman) September 6, 2017
https://twitter.com/thefilmgoer/status/905285928696078336
I can’t believe I’m angry a fake person called Parks Denton didn’t even follow me
— Eli Matthewson (@EliMatthewson) September 6, 2017
And the best one of all…
https://twitter.com/StephenGamesXB1/status/905302730943672320
And that’s the end of that beautiful, rewarding Twitter story. May the Parks Dentons of all of our lives meet their comeuppance in just such a way.
P.S. According to NY Mag, Denton actually changed race early on in his incarnation, and his many patsys took it in stride. Riddle me that, please.
