Come in. Please, take a seat on the couch over there. Lie down if you like.
You’re here because the thing you’ve been using to take the place of real emotions and relationships in your life, Breaking Bad, is ending and you want to be as well-prepared as possible. Aside from the inevitable tsunami of emotions you’re going to feel while watching the finale itself, it’s likely that after watching the final episode ever of Breaking Bad (probably earlier that you are supposed to), you’re going to be left with a porkpie-hat-shaped hole inside yourself.
You are about to enter the five stages of grief. Knowing what these
stages are in advance will help you identify them, and develop
strategies to cope. Although my Bachelor of Psychology diploma is about as real as Saul Goodman‘s new ID, I feel that I am more than qualified to run you through what you’re about to experience (as qualified as Saul will be running his Cinnabon franchise, anyway).
1. DENIAL. You can pretend this isn’t actually the end by distracting yourself with drink;
or drugs;
Or just putting on a happy face and pretending you’re having an A1 day.
2. ANGER. But it’s not OK. Your day is not A1. Because Breaking Bad will be over and fuck you, television, for making me feel feelings. Also;
3. BARGAINING. Like the Czechoslovakian junkies clamouring for their next hit of that sweet, sweet imported blue, you’ll do anything for one more hit of Walter White and the gang. Come on AMC, don’t end it now. Just give us a little more. I’ve got money…
A whole Huell-sized stack of money!
4. DEPRESSION. But AMC and Vince Gilligan have made up their mind. There will be no more Breaking Bad, and you will be depressed. Take some cues from Jesse Pinkman – five years and about a thousand shitty outcomes have made him the Heisenberg of being sad.
5. ACCEPTANCE. Finally, you’ll be better off having come to the realisation that all things must come to an end –
The Good;
The Bad;
and the Ugly.
