We live in strange, ~unprecedented~ times my friend. The days blend into each other, the case numbers rise and fall like the tides of the most tedious of oceans, and if I hear someone else say something like ‘stay strong’ or ‘you’ve got this’ I’m going to launch myself into the nearest brick wall.
But one thing that has really gotten me through all this are my almost nightly video calls with my friends, and the virtual glass of wine, or beer, or whisky & chinotto we sometimes share together via a screen. Yes I said whisky & chinotto, it’s like a whisky & coke, but better (and more Italian).
The pandemic sucks balls, but technology is incredible. I still feel so close to people I haven’t seen in over a year, all thanks to a magic screen I will never understand. This got me thinking, why stop at just one friend? Why not host a whole damn wine tasting party?
Good idea, no? But we don’t just want to host any old wine tasting party, we want to host one for the ages — and lucky for you, we’ve done the legwork to create this handy guide for the next time you wanna zoom flex on your friends.
Be democratic
First up, no one likes a dictator, so don’t get all soup-Nazi with the wine list. Hit up whoever will be joining this grand virtual wine tasting of yours ahead of time, and invite them to pick a wine or two they’d like to include, if they’re so inclined. Some people will be chill to go with the flow, while others will relish the opportunity to share their fave Merlot with the class — everybody wins.
Keep in mind that everyone has different budgets, so maybe don’t go hog wild with the fancy stuff. Unless of course, all your friends are mad-rich — in which case, give me a call, I’d love to hang.
Spice up your life with a mini projector
Want to up the vibes immensely? Why am I even asking, of course you do. So go ahead and pick up a mini projector and get those vibes boosted, baby. *Slaps roof of projector* this bad boy will take your zoom wine tasting from yawn to holy crap this is the best virtual wine tasting that’s ever been hosted.
Get some tips from the experts
Hey, I want you to go to the mirror right now and honestly look at yourself. What do you see? An idiot with no idea what they’re doing, that’s what. What do you know about wine? What do you know about anything? Look, my boss has told me to cut down on being unnecessarily aggressive to the readers, but I’m making a point — the fine folks at the bottle shop, they know what they’re doing. So consult the wise ones, stupid! Tell them you’re planning to host a virtual wine tasting for the ages, and get their expert tips. They’ll be happy to help, after all, it’s a well-known fact that bottle shop workers are gods amongst men.
Expand your horizons
I’m gonna let you in on a little industry secret — some people don’t like wine. Wild, I know. But don’t let that dampen your proceedings. If you know one of these people, be sure you cater to them, maybe do a whisky tasting, or a gin tasting. Hell, make it a full-blown cocktail party. It’s your life man, we’re all just living in it.
Flex with some fancy glasses
If you really wanna flex on those losers you call your nearest and dearest, then pick up some fancy-ass wine glasses and make sure to always have them uncomfortably close to your laptop camera — that way everyone knows that you’re a baller. Trust me, everyone will get a real contact high from seeing how fancy your drinkware is.
Have a theme
Just because we can’t actually go to France right now cos of something that rhymes with My Sharona, doesn’t mean we can’t go there in spirit. So make your night French-themed — drink French wines, eat baguettes, surrender to the Germans, etc. You know, France stuff. It’ll be fun!
Of course, you can do the same with Italian wine, or make it an old-timey ’60s theme — the only limits here are in your own mind, young grasshopper.
Get everyone to do a party trick
In these kinds of situations, it can be quite fun to get everyone to show off their fave party trick. It doesn’t have to be a trick necessarily, maybe you can all share a funny story, or play a card game to get to know everyone better, or see who can hold their breath the longest — last one living wins! Maybe don’t do that last one. But you get the point. Basically, have fun. Lord knows we all need that right now.
