A cook on TikTok has come for the sacred kids party snack — fairy bread — with her version of a healthy option that has hurt me right down to my core. Instead of the traditional white bread, butter and 100s & 1000s combo she opted for a less sugary and more involved recipe.

Don’t get me wrong, Sydney cook Fatimah Omran‘s content is delicious and her alternatives to the fast food her kids ask her to buy are all ridiculously yum. But her healthier take on fairy bread — a perfect party treat that needs no improvements — is a step too far, I’m so sorry.

@fatimahomran

At a party on the weekend and there’s some things you just have to say no to…. If your children love colourful food, then they are going to adore Healthy Fairy Bread 🎉 Would you give this a go? d#dessertpartyppartyfoodffairybreadhealthy #fyp

♬ original sound – Fatimah Omran

“My daughter wanted fairy bread and I said no,” Omran began, her signature opening to her alternative recipe TikToks.

“Hand me the bread, veggies and coconut.”

She then goes through the process of shredding and squeezing the coloured juices out of a purple cabbage and a bright orange carrot. Omran then used those coloured liquids to naturally dye the desiccated coconut to use as her “sprinkles”.

Excuse me? Come the fuck again, mother?

In what world is dyed and dried desiccated coconut an acceptable alternative to sprinkles, which are essentially grains of sugar coated in coloured sugar? Never, that’s when.

I’m sure this would probably taste nice if you’re mentally prepared for coconut on buttered bread but when you’re going in thinking “ooh yeah fairy bread give me that yum yum treat” and you wind up with a cabbage-stained mouthful of fuzz, it’s a no from me.

People filled the comments equally as outraged by this party pooping platter, which is absolutely their duty as terminally online doomscrollers.

“I would absolutely riot if someone served me this at a party and called it fairy bread,” one person replied.

“Yo where’s the number for Crimestoppers?” another asked.

One commenter admitted this would be their “villain origin story” if they were given healthy fairy bread instead of the sugary original.

I mean I get a bit miffed if someone uses the low-grade sprinkles on fairy bread so it’s no surprise this has shooketh me to my very core.

Image: TikTok / @fatimahomran