I Bribed My Co-Workers With Milkshakes To See If It Would Make Them Like Me

It’s almost the end of the year. At the time of writing this, I currently have 22 working days left of 2023 (not that I’m counting). When I look around at my colleagues, I can see the pain in their eyes.

They’re hungry for something more than just food — the cookies in the office kitchen couldn’t possibly satiate the deeply spiritual pangs we’re all having for something more right now. We need a break. We need to not look at blue light for eight hours straight. We need to be transported to a simpler time.

Now, I like to be an optimist. A bringer-of-vibes, if you will. So I thought I’d take matters into my own hands by shaking things up a little. Now I could choose to do a song and dance like a court jester in the middle of the office to zhuzh things up, but that’d just be annoying. I could start yelling “BAZINGA” anytime a co-worker has a good idea, but I’d probably get banished from the media industry entirely.

Or, I could make a splash elsewhere. Anyone who’s worked a 9-5 knows that coffee is the cornerstone of all office culture. What your order is, which cafe you get it from and whether you choose to use the supplied machine accounts for 87% of office small talk. I knew if I wanted to make an impact, I’d have to target office coffee culture.

Like every Wednesday morning, my colleagues Ellie, Courtney and I have a meeting to catch up on general ~business things~ (as you can see below). Now back to coffee culture for a sec — what’s the opposite of ordering a sleek oat milk latte? coffee? Ordering a creamy and thick masterpiece like a Gloria Jeans Chiller — AKA, the holy grail of cold drinks from the 2000s.

There was simply nothing better than sucking back on a creamy and icey Chiller while strolling through a shopping centre with my mum as a kid. So I thought surely they’d have the same powerful, calming effect on my work life?? Surely??

As expected, the gals were in complete shock. Drinking *this*? In a corporate office? In Surry Hills? Blasphemy. I may as well have worn Shein to Milan Fashion Week.

(I mean, look at Courtney’s face???)

That was until I started blurting out the greatest ideas I’ve ever had in my life. Ways to generate new revenue, improve workflows and turn us all into billionaires by the time we were 30.

They were enthralled, all due to the power of Da Chiller, baby.

They begged to know what my secret was, and out of my back pocket, I pulled out an Oreo and KitKat Chiller — sweet, but not too sweet, creamy and refreshing. Just the way we like it. A little birdy also told me that GJ’s will be slinging pavlova-flavoured Chiller’s this December too, which is perfect for a sip on the way to the beach.

I felt powerful. This was the pep I needed on this hard, hard hum day. Court and Ellie flew through their tasks once they started slurping.

Later on in the day, I had my usual catch-up with my colleague Jas. I decided I needed to summon the power of the Chiller again, as we were tackling a tricky brief, and I wanted to make sure we wrangled up some good ideas.

It’s fair to say she was jealous of my prowess during our meeting, honestly.

By the end, she was sad — yearning for the sweet, milky nectar.

By the end of the day, I felt complete. I felt like I’d made my mark, like a pioneer.

The moral of the story? It’s the little things that count. Life’s simplest joys can yield the greatest rewards. Be the change you wish to see in the world, and you might just also get to indulge in a glorious sweet treat like a Chiller.