Bunnings Mocks God With New Policy Of Putting Onions Underneath The Sausage

The culinary phenomenon known varyingly as the sausage sandwich, the sausage in bread, the sausage sizzle, and the Bunnings snag is a very simple one. As long as you have combined bread, sauce, and onions, it is very hard to get it wrong. Sausages too burnt? Who cares. Too many onions? Not a problem. Not enough onions? No fucken worries. You’ve applied the sauce in such a way that it spells out ‘FUCK YOU’? Weird thing to do, but sure.

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There is only one thing I can envision someone doing to the humble sausage in bread construction that would raise my hackles: putting the onion on the bread first, before the sausage.

I’m not sure if this reservation is based on any practical concern, but it gives me that same feeling in my stomach as I get walking up a staircase in the dark, putting my foot out for a stair, and finding that it does not exist. It seems only natural to me that the bread should directly envelop as much of the sausage as possible, as absorb what we in the culinary industry refer to as the Delicious Meaty Juices.

It seems, though, that unlike the corporate eggheads at Bunnings, I have not put enough thought into the safety levels of the orientation of the onions and the bread. As reported by the Herald Sun, the hardware giant recently made a change in policy, asking groups who do sausage sizzles outside their stores to put the onions on first. This, they say, reduces the risk of onions falling off and creating a slip hazard.

In a statement, Bunnings chief operating officer Debbie Poole said that the change did not ultimately impact the sausage in bread experience:

This recommendation is provided to the community groups within their fundraising sausage sizzle welcome pack and is on display within the gazebos when barbecues are underway.

Regardless of how you like your onion and snag, we are confident this new serving suggestion will not impact the delicious taste or great feeling you get when supporting your local community group.

Rigorous testing will need to be applied before we can determine the extent of the change’s impact but, for now: change is scary and I, personally, do not like it.