Salutations to the girls, gays and theys who brunch. We need to have a serious conversation about the food you’re putting in your mouth in the morning. It isn’t breaky. It should have never been breaky. Start calling it brekkie like God intended or quit it!!

As someone who worked in a café for about two and a half years, I feel like I’m talking from a place of knowledge here.

“Brekkie” is the kind of word that just makes sense. It does it all. It’s short and snappy. It doesn’t look weird like its competitors.

If you come across a café with an item called the “big brekky” or the “big breaky” (YUCK) turn around and run. It isn’t worth your time. They (probably, IDK) underpay their workers or something. It’s why they have so much money to print falsehoods, lies and blasphemy on their menus.

Just look at the word “breaky”. It looks disgusting. It just reminds me of “Get Shaky” by the Ian Carey Project and gets that song stuck in my head. No word should have that much power over a single person.

Sure breakfast comes from the words “break” and “fast”, but “breaky” looks off. I don’t trust him.

And the word “brekky” is almost there but not quite. It’s very much akin to Lucifer himself. Half angelic, but somewhere near the back end, it faltered off into abyssal darkness.

Here is an actual video of me finding out the owner of a café decided to plaster “breaky” or “brekky” all over their… “establishment”.

Sure you might be thinking: “everyone is entitled to write words however they want to write them,” but to this, I say “no this. Shortening words with an “ie” or an “o” at the end. You wouldn’t want to obliterate the only piece of respectability this country has, right?

I didn’t think so. Brekkie it is.

Brekkie also looks exactly how the word sounds. It’s the best-looking version of the word for sure. If our words don’t look sexy as fuck how can we?

So next time someone asks you how to spell breakfast abbreviated, I hope your answer is “brekkie”. Godspeed, café children.