Is it a crime to try and make new friends? Absolutely not. Connection and companionship are fundamental to the human experience, a way of not just making sense of our experience but also a way of sharing them. It is, however, a crime to pose as a doctor in the pursuit of making a mate.
As 9 News is reporting, 25-year-old Brisbane man Nicholas Delaney has been fined $3,000 by Brisbane Magistrates Court for using fraudulent security credentials to pose as a doctor at Lady Cilento Children’s Hospital as an attempt at making friends.
The court heard that Delaney stole a security lanyard from Ronald McDonald House and then seduced a security guard from the hospital on Grindr so that he could secure himself a permanent swipecard.
In a defence that I don’t fully understand, Delaney’s lawyer, Nicholas Hanly, described his client’s actions as worthy of Leonardo di Caprio‘s character in Catch Me If You Can. Magistrate Barry Cosgrove did not agree with this comparison, arguing that it was, in fact, more similar to The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, which he described as “a film about a loner seeking love and meaning.” I guess this is the sort of fancy stuff you learn at law school.
The court heard that Delaney did it because he was lonely since he was fired from Sunnybank Private Hospital and just wanted to make some friends. Buddy, I’ve been there. (I mean, not specifically there, but the sentiment.)
Delaney was found out when a security guard he had asked to renew his security credentials poked holes in his story. He fined the $3,000 but not given any jail time because he didn’t tamper with any medication or approach any patients.
Maybe next time just, like, go to the dog park or something. People are nice around dogs.
