Here’s What Your Car’s Colour Says About Who You Are As A Human

Oh, you think your car colour doesn’t say something about who you are as a person?

I don’t care how good any deal is, I wouldn’t be caught dead getting from A to B in a hot-pink ride. Why? It doesn’t reflect my beige persona very well. Plus, I grew out of that particular hue around the same time I realised my parents had actual, legitimate intercourse to produce me. While we’re on the topic, would I date someone who got around in an orange V8?

What I’m saying is, some colours (and models in general tbh) just aren’t ~you~. But for others? Could totally be their jam, their style, the perfect extension of their personality. No judgement here just pure fact. Keep reading to see what the world thinks of your colour choices.


You’re kind of boring, I’m sorry, but in the practical sense – if that counts for anything? You like to play it safe (as you believe it’s better to be safe than sorry) and while some think you could do with a stick removal from your tookus, others look up to you and your fine life decisions. After all, you’re going to own a house before any of us hooligans. Plus, you’re kind of chic, in the way that monochrome-only dressers are – you know, sleek with a severe lack of creativity.


You’re straight-up fire and a confident sass ball. You don’t take no funny business from no one and are the kind of person that’ll strut away from a confrontation in case your opponent’s checking out your buns.  People think you’re a savage but really, you’re just honest – at least that’s the story you go with. People either love you or love to hate you because they’re downright jelly. (If you’re in the market for a slick red on your own, check this piece of work.)


You’re high maintenance (black cars literally needs to be cleaned every other day) and it takes a real secure human to get in bed with you. But you know what? You’re bloody-well fierce (y’all saw Batman, right?), tough as guts and a lot more productive than the lazy plebs you give the time of day.


You were a big deal in high school and have been trying to find your relevance ever since. You’re funny but rely on it way too heavily to get you through life. You’ve had plenty of partners but most pull the pin before they get to see your ~serious side~. Your settled down life awaits you, you’re just yolo-ing it until you can admit to yourself it’s time.


You’re a bit tight when it comes to funds, so much so you bought a white car because it’s about $500 cheaper to do so. (Yep, that’s the deduction you get for forgoing metallic paint). They also look cleaner than other colours like black and blue when dirty and as you’ve told all your mates, cleaning products are like, so expensive these days! $5 for soap?! What a rip!! But for you, everything’s expensive. You’re the kind of person that will not only kick up a stink over the 50c sauces at McDonald’s, but will go dry and without out of pure principle.


You’re an attention suckler that people are too proud to admit they’re jealous of. They wish they had your balls, metaphorical or otherwise. You’re all look-at-me, look-at-me a la Bianca Stratford minus the pearl necklace but guess what? People are bloody looking, and they be loving.


You like to see the world burn. Honestly, have you never heard of the game ‘yellow car’? Where you punch people when you see one? You’re literally encouraging violence into the world by driving the colour yellow ’round the parts. Also, in some states people see a yellow car and think a taxi’s on the horizon. And that’s just cruel. You’re a terrible person. The sooner you acknowledge it the better.