6 Japanese Foods You Probably Don’t Want In Your Mouth
Two hundred percent everyone’s favourite country to ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ at, Japan is home to some mind-blowing shit. Mind-blowing in both favourable and unfavourable lights, in presumably similar proportion. From our white person POV in this far-flung country we call home, we attempt to scratch the surface of the wackest gastronomical delicacies the Japanese offer.
Shirako (fish sperm)
 Should you feel inclined to sample fish sperm, you’ll probably be feasting on the jizz of cod or fugu (see below). The word shirako translates into “white children,” which is both humorous and quite literal. Cooked, it is said to resemble custard, texture-wise. Uncooked, it is apparently resembles gluggy semen, which is what it fucking is.
Fugu (puffer fish)
Cast your memory back to the Simpson’s episode. Because what an eventful one it is! Yes, fugu is highly poisonous, containing the chemical tetrodotoxin which is allegedly the cause of around fifty deaths per year. The preparation of fugu is governed by Japanese law, and only qualified chefs who’ve undergone ultra-specific training may serve it. As we’ve cleverly weaved in right here, The Simpsons don’t tell no lies.
Placenta Jelly Drink
Not just a harmless kooky, kute name, (which is definitely something the Nippon people would do, at least accidentally), Placenta Jelly Drink contains zero calories, is said to have regenerative properties for skin and is good for appetite control. Oh! It also contains pig placenta.
Really sorry, guys. If the previous image of gutted fugu wasn’t enough, take this pic of some raw whale, to remain raw, for consumption as sashimi. Again, no hard feelings if you need to exit this post now, it indeed resembles a potential cover of a D-grade eighties horror film.
The logic operating here is that square watermelons are space savers that allow for stacking of other things both on and around them. To get that cubic shape, they are grown in glass cases, and to have one, you just hand over your 10, 000 yen which is around 98AUD. With regular round watermelons already not providing much bang for yo buck at around $15 each, this is really an outrage, on account of watermelons being among the most enjoyable of fruits. So yeah, this is not a heinous ‘nom antithesis’ inclusion inasmuch as it is a ‘I will not stand for this price and subsequently never eat it’ one.
Shirouo no Odorigui
Hey, I’m a bunch of tiny fish! You eat me raw, and I do dances in your mouth as that takes place. If this sounds like something you may be interested in, best of bloody luck to you.