I generally think it’s much more interesting to look at Red Carpet photos where you have really great fashion choices combined with some very very poor ones but, unfortunately, Australian Fashion’s night of nights the David Jones Summer Launch was mostly dud-free. Boooooo! Look more terrible next time you idiots! I’ve sorted the red carpet arrivals into four television show-inspired groups: ‘HBO’s Girls’, ‘Wag Nation’, ‘Grand Designs’ and ‘Models Inc.’.

HBO’S GIRLS
Like the girls on HBO series Girls, this group of what we refer to in Australia as “personalities” are twenty-something ladies, independently paving interesting careers. That wasn’t supposed to be clever or anything.

Horse racing royalty and Channel Nine television presenter Emma Freedman knows a lot about horses but while there’s a touch of helmet hair about her, there are no saddles in sight with this fun fluorescent look featuring a Ginger & Smart (I think) dress and a hot pink pump.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

Megan Washington opts for the demure black French lace of her favourite local label LOVER and pairs it with an awesome KEYBOARD HANDBAG.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

One time Miss Universe finalist Jesinta Campbell is a little too matchy-matchy with tangerine lip, clutch bag, and – let’s be honest here – human skin. Those legs are so fauxrange they’re almost too painful to look at.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

Gracie Otto daringly takes on the horizontal stripe challenge but sadly loses.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

The all-in-black outfit and sophisticated wine-coloured lip is fantastically foxy on Lara Bingle. Do not be fooled by the coy little wave; she looks like a sexy assassin from a James Bond film.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

WAG NATION
While these women shouldn’t be defined by who they are dating or married to, at the risk of being labeled a sexist pig I’m putting them under this category anyway.

Kate Waterhouse gets graphic in a fabulous Dion Lee minidress and heels I would mug her for. Will refrain from mugging because her wild-eyed husband Luke Ricketson could definitely knock my block off.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

Footwear maven Terry Biviano wears a draped marigold frock. She and former footballer husband Anthony Minichiello sport matching cleavage.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

Jodi Gordon keeps with the orange theme in both dress and lip while boyfriend (fiance?) Braith Anasta is just stoked to be punching above his weight there.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

GRAND DESIGNS
The designers were out en masse last night, offering up far more interesting (see also: zany) sartorial choices than the laymen.

Josh Goot keeps it simple in a dashing three-piece suit and black tie, while his other half, super stylist and Vogue Fashion chief Christine Centenera couples a quilted bomber jacket (designed by her boyfriend, obviously), a metal t-shirt by Balenciaga and too much freaking hair in her pretty face.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

ksubi’s George Gorrow arrives in a rose-embroidered afternoon jacket and scarf with teenage buddy Dan Single.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

Romance Was Born designers Luke Sales and Anna Plunkett are like a miniature fashion-conscious Zach Galifianakis (PS let’s start comparing anyone with a beard to Zach Galifianakis) and Riot Grrrrl Barbie, respectively. In a good way.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

Gary Bigeni wears two hair colours, two shirts, two necklaces, three different-sized polka dots, leopard print and creepers. Miraculously avoids looking like the contents of an op-shop five dollar bin. Bless.

Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

Camilla Franks, Sydney kaftan queen, looks exactly like a person referred to as a ‘kaftan queen’. Owns it.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

Ah, Sunglass Face. We meet again.

Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

MODELS INC
There was once a mid-Nineties show called Models Inc starring Cameron Daddo. Should you choose to seek it out, may god have mercy on your soul. Here are the models…

Freckled statuesque beauty Nicole Pollard wears an amazing lace look by Carla Zampatti.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

Gorgeous Jess Gomes arrives on the scene decked out in a smart tailored Josh Goot ensemble…
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

… Though, I much prefer her in this pants-free superhero costume by Romance Was Born.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

Alexandra Agoston, banging in tangerine Dion Lee.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

Sam Harris smoulders smugly in Scanlan & Theodore from top to bottom.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

Hay gurl hay.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

And the big surprise of the evening, the extraordinary Julia Nobis wearing Collette Dinnigan.
Red Carpet Highlights From David Jones Summer Launch

Photos by Graham Denholm for Getty Images