Welcome to the second in our series of Xmas Guides, part one being Pedestrian’s Guide to the Most Anticipated Films Of Summer, which we bring to you in partnership with our bros at Telstra.We have scrooge’d our way through the ghosts of Secret Santa’s past to compile a list of possible Kris Kringle gift options for under $30.
Secret Santa is usually done in an effort to save money and so you don’t have to worry about buying everyone a present or offending those you would never consider showering with Christmas gifts, Enter Stage Left: Telstra. They currently have a pre-paid deal that will get you free calls and texts from 6pm to 6am, which is the basically the equivalent of free money. Nice segue, eh?
GIFT IDEA 1: Lucas’ Pawpaw Ointment
FOR The ‘I don’t know you very well but you seem like a fine young man/woman’ person
WHY Get them some Lucas’! It’s the same world renowned formula that was developed by Dr. Lucas, is still based and produced in Brisbane, and everyone from high-flying fashion bloggers to your grandmother loves a nice full tube of PawPaw. This way it’s like giving them a years supply and they’ll think of you every time they moisten their oh so parched lips… but don’t be weird about it.
Just look at that face. Nobody can say no to that face; everyone loves Lucas’.
GIFT IDEA 2: Customise things
FOR The Office Clown. LOL.
WHY It is never not hilarious to customise things. Unless you’re not good at being funny, in which case it’s your fault, not the novelty mugs’ – it kept up its side of the bargain.
Just ask yourself: do they have a ‘catchphrase’? Is there a heinous picture of them that would look great in t-shirt form? Then you shop around; you want cheap but not 5-pixels-per-pic cheap.
Like, was thinking more customised mug or tshirt, but if you do have the web-know-how to order a custom Nicholas Cage morph suit…
GIFT IDEA 3: Poster
FOR The Designer
WHY Because, pretty. Either you can go with something ‘abstract’ or universally enjoyable like a llama wearing a Kombi…
These options can be found here and here.
… or you could choose something zeitgeisty…
This beautiful Bill can be found here.
… or, you know, just whatever you think works.
GIFT IDEA 4: Pool Noodles and/or giant inflatable things
FOR The person who has no taste/enjoys dumb things
WHY If you’re going for impressive size and *wow* factor, your best bet is to buy the largest object you can possibly find and then cover it in wrapping paper. In terms of ‘statement’ gifts, size really does matter. What could that huge oddly shaped package possibly be? your colleague will ask.
You’ll smile knowingly and reap the positive feedback and back patting that ought to follow, according to the laws of Bigger is Better.
Worth it though.
GIFT IDEA 5: Expensive Magazines
FOR The ‘fashion’ person
WHY Because fashion, is why. Head down to your local newsagent or Magnation and select the thickest, most air-freighted magazine you can find.
GIFT IDEA 6: Instant Scratch-its
FOR The person you don’t know at all (or if you’re the kind of useless person who leaves it to the last minute)
WHY When you only have time to run to the newsagent for a completely inconsiderate and impersonal gift that will, at best, result in $30k but 99% of the time will mean a $0 profit and a Scratchie shavings surplus, give $30 worth of Instant Scratch-its! Not your problem if they don’t win. Lol, bye!
