Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I’ve just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you to stop what you’re doing and listen.
Melbourne, being the glorious city of big nerds who love drinkin’ that it is, has had more than its fair share of magnificent themed bars over the past little while. And not content to hog the lion’s share all to themselves, they’re going back in for more.
Fans of inarguably the funniest film in the Apatow Productions oeuvre (fight me) ‘Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy‘ will soon be able to party like it’s a 1974 San Diego-area news broadcast wrap party, thanks to a brand spankin’ new Ron Burgundy-themed bar.
For 10 days, beginning next week, the Porcelain Tea Parlous in the inner-northern suburb of Carlton will be transformed into ‘Ron Burgundy’s Rich Mahogany Bar,’ complete with the lingering scent of actual rich mahogany.
The bar will feature an impressive array of whiskies – or scotchy scotch scotches, if you will – as well as a number of themed drinks concocted specially for the temporary takeover.
Waiters, dressed in outrageously bullshit 1970s attire (presumably all bought from the Pants Store), will serve you up the frothy goodness so your night can get out of hand fast.
What kind of drinks are we talkin’ here? Glad you asked!
There’s the Sex Panther, which is a hellish concoction of an absinthe frappe with mint, soda, and a white chocolate twist. We hear that 60% of the time, it gets you full munted every time. Better still, for an extra ten dollarydoos, the drink comes with an actual bottle of Sex Panther perfume, custom created by master perfumers The Powder Room. It probably doesn’t smell like Bigfoot’s dick. Probably.
If you can’t handle the sting in your nostrils from that one, there’s the Milk Was A Bad Choice; a decidedly creamier bevvie made from spiced rum, cream, vanilla, and a little nutmeg. Best consumed at night, out of the ungodly heat.
Lastly, for a little refreshing kick, the Afternoon Delight sounds pretty dang tasty to be perfectly honest; a hit of vodka with pineapple, cardamom soda, and lime. It’s outta sight, my man.
Oh yeah, and that thing we said about it smelling of rich mahogany? We weren’t kidding. The bar is actually gonna smell like wood. Bottoms Up Bartenders, the gang behind the pop-up, is enlisting a “scent machine” that converts liquids into fine mists, ensuring the whole place will maintain a rich, woody smell that should provide the ideal setting to toke from Uncle Jonathan’s corn cob pipe.
The pop-up opens from next Thursday, October 13th, at the Porcelain Tea Parlour, 149 Elgin Street, Carlton.
You can wrap your keenness levels right around the Facebook event page here.
Source: Facebook.
Photo: Anchorman, obvs.
