‘Engagement Piercings’ Are Here To Give New Meaning To Getting Fingered

For many couples, finding the perfect engagement ring is one of the most exciting parts of getting hitched.

Sure, purchasing an eye-wateringly expensive hunk of pure carbon in colourless crystalline is probably the most materialistic way of demonstrating your love for another human. But it’s sparkly.

For others, engagement rings are all too traditional. A shining rock on a ring isn’t, well, rock enough. They want something that’s a bit gnarly, a bit 2004-era Paramore. And that, folks, is the ‘engagement piercing’.

A new trend has emerged whereby loved-up couples are getting micro-dermal piercings (otherwise known as surface anchors) in their ring fingers.





To each their own, but Christ these look painful.

A paper cut is torture enough. Imagine the immense pain you’d feel accidentally brushing your freshly-pierced digit against anything?! The simple act of putting your hand in your pocket would fucking cane. Wiping your bum? Forget about it.

Also, how would this thing heal? You wouldn’t be able to do the dishes. Say sayonara to the simple pleasure of patting dogs, lest the pustule piercing get caught in the canine’s hair.

The worst bit? Once you finally realise how shit of an idea this thing is, it’d have already scarred your poor, precious ring finger.

It’s nothing but a bum tingly disaster waiting to happen. Bin.