Bernard Tomic Sets ATP World Record For Fastest Loss Ever

The radiant beam of light who singlehandedly put Sin City: The Nightclub on the map Bernard Tomic has registered the fastest ever loss in ATP World Tour history, dispatched with ruthless Scandi efficiency 6-0, 6-1 at the hands of Finnish world number 40, Jarkko Nieminen.

The 28 minute and 20 second match – contested during the first round of the Miami Masters tournament and likely in close proximity to a variety of establishments which or may not contain the word “sin” in their title – also marked Tomic’s return from injury, having not played competitively since retiring during his Australian Open clash against Rafael Nadal in January, citing a groin strain, an issue which would later require hip surgery. So yeah, dude has a pretty solid reason to be historically terrible right now.  

The previous best/worst mark of 29 minutes was set by Carsten Arriens at the Sydney International in 1996 when he was beaten 6-0, 6-0 by Greg Rusedski.
The occasionally shirtless enfant terrible of Australian tennis dropped the first nine games of the match but seemed unfazed by the manner in which he was defeated, saying, as Kanye would, that it’s a process.  
“This was the first match back after the operation. It’s all part of the rehabilitation process,” he said. “I’m not disappointed. I just have to keep working to improve my game.” 

At least he didn’t start crying and take his shoes off.