We Tried A Bunch Of Sex Toys For Long-Distance Couples & The Nether Region Is Sore

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Long-distance relationships can eat my ass, it sucks – sucks, sucks, sucks. Not only do you miss out on primo winter cuddles, but you also miss out on sex. And what is life without sex? A shit one for me, I tell ya what. So if you are in a long-distance relationship and keen to bridge the gap a little, allow me to suggest a few sex toys for couples. Wait, let me rephrase that, *long-distance* sex toys for couples.

Before we get into it, most of these toys are used hand in hand – literally – with an app. I’d recommend spending a couple of minutes familiarising yourself with the app just so you’re all signed up, connected, and ready to go / cum. Okay, let’s get into it.

Desire Luxury App Controlled Love Egg Vibrator 

Desire Luxury App Controlled Rechargeable Love Egg Vibrator, $169.95

This was really fun to play with. The vibrations weren’t as intense as I’m used to, which meant we could do a little more with it around the house… ANYWAY, the app basically allows you to control the intensity, speed, and rhythm of the vibrations. It’s also really simple to use. This particular toy comes with eight patterns of waves and pulses, each with 12 levels of intensity. If you’re new to this whole thing, this is great entry-level toy.

If you are new, I’d definitely recommend stocking up on some lube.

Desire App Controlled Rechargeable Prostrate Vibrator

Desire Luxury App Controlled Rechargeable Prostate Vibrator, was $169.95, now $101.97 (save — $67.98)

This was a first for my boyfriend, but he was keen to try it so we did. It goes without saying that if your partner’s not comfortable trying something new then don’t force them to.

This little dude is pretty much a vibrating plug, with a lil’ motor for the perineum and the prostate. I can’t write about this from my experience, but my boyfriend said it was a “weird-good” experience with really strong vibrations. Number one advice: make sure it’s fully charged before you use it. The vibrator died just as it was getting really good.

We-Vibe App Controlled Cordless Wand Vibrator

We-Vibe App Controlled Rechargeable Cordless Wand Vibrator, $269.95

I bloody love this BIG BOY. It’s super easy to hold and has Smart Silence technology, which means it only buzzes when it makes contact with your skin. But don’t forget to turn it off afterwards, otherwise you’ll just drain the battery. Again, make sure it’s charged before you play.

The wand also comes with a clitoral flutter attachment and a dick stroker attachment to add to the fun. I don’t think I can fault this wand, to be honest. The vibrations were wonderful and just the right amount of intensity for me. You can adjust these too.

If you’re long-distance, you can sync it with the app.

I know it looks huge, but it’s surprisingly light. Also, you can use it as a massager. What’s not to love?

We-Vibe Chorus App and Remote Controlled Couple’s Vibrator

We-Vibe Chorus App and Remote Controlled Couple’s Vibrator, $299.95

Behold, my favourite of the bunch.

I 10/10 recommend this toy for couples, it’s so, so good. Unlike the other vibrators I’ve mentioned, you can use this baby during penetrative sex as well. The internal bit vibrates against the g-spot and the penis while the external bit buzzes against the clit. And believe me when I say, the vibrations are very intense. This shape of vibrator was new to me but I had no issues. Again, lube always comes in handy.

I just really liked this toy because it didn’t feel like it was “in the way” at all. It just added to the experience. And just fuck me, the vibrations are good. I’ve already said that but holy shit. 

If you don’t live with your boo, they can still control it via the app. For solo use, you can use the remote if you want. I prefer the app.

We-Vibe Jive Rechargeable App Controlled Love Egg Vibrator

We-Vibe Jive App Controlled Rechargeable Love Egg Vibrator, $139.95

And lastly, the We-Vibe Jive Love Egg Vibrator. I’ve read some mixed reviews about this product but I didn’t actually have any glaring issues with it. The only thing I will say is that the vibrations could be stronger, but that’s just my personal preference. It was super easy to use via the app. But if you’re using it solo, you can control the toy using the vibrations on the stem. The stem itself is flexible, but it makes it a bit harder to control the egg when it’s inside you – like compared to a solid handle. But otherwise, it’s a really cute and fun toy and it genuinely made me feel much closer to my boyfriend.

Eat my ass, distance.