Getting your beautiful and naive heart shat on is one of the worst events that can happen to you in this life. At one point or another though, it felt worth the risk – so in many ways it was time well spent. Damn, that just makes it harder to cope with the dissolution, doesn’t it?
When such a thing happens, it can be hard to know how to move forward. Every relationship is different, every breakup is different, and you bet your heartbroken ass that every recovery is different too. I asked a bunch of people how they made it through the other side (because we all do, eventually), and I’m about 98% certain you’ll find one to three avenues that’ll work for you and your smithereened emotions.
Give Yourself Time + TLC
“Let myself take it slow – I didn’t hook up with anybody for over 8 months.” – Dom.
“I did all the things my ex and I were meant to do and never “got around to” – saw Book of Mormon, this fancy champagne place, travelled etc.” – Sean.
Turn To Your Mates
“I saw my friends a lot at first, like was a bit babysat but then that quickly went away and I was often alone in a miserable London winter and got really depresso. They were in relos, so I felt funny asking them to do things in case they might be busy – I assumed they would’ve asked me if they were free.
Truth is they just assumed I was busy/content and actually didn’t know how much I was STILL struggling. So if I did it again, I would be more vocal and comfortable with telling them when/how I needed them.” – Jase.
“When my ex and I broke up after 9 years, I was so lost. I just did everything I could to distract myself. I started working out more, said yes to every social engagement and even had a casual fling. But ultimately the best thing I did was talk about the breakup with my close friends. The more I spoke about it, the more I realised how toxic that relationship actually was!” – Kate.
Let It All Out
“I feel extremely sorry for the people closest to me when my heart is broken because I’m a heart-on-my-sleeve kind of person at the best of times, so they’re dealing with a lot of what I imagine ends up being the exact same conversation until I’ve properly let out all the feels. Bless their hearts, they still stand by me.
Probably not surprising considering I’m a writer, but when I find myself not being able to sleep because my brain insists on going over and over the hurt, I find it helpful to write it out as well, just for me. Don’t get me wrong I do the holiday/buy all the things stuff too, but that’s not really what moves me on it just helps me cope momentarily.” – Cait.
Embrace New Surroundings
“I moved flats, so I couldn’t imagine him moving through those four walls anymore. And at the beginning, on an impulse, I decided I’d do what we had intended to do together – I booked a one-way flight to London.
I lived in the UK for two years, travelling and meeting new people and writing, and for some of that time it was like he didn’t exist, and like my life in Sydney didn’t exist either. I needed to fully remove myself from any and all memories of ‘us’, and from the person I was at home.” – Hannah.
“I had been with my ex since I was 18, for 7.5yrs when he broke up with me the day after my birthday cause he realised he didn’t love me no more / needed time to go ‘find himself’. I had friends living in the UK at the time so I packed my bags, fucked off to Europe (scared shitless the night before about wtf I was doing) and it was the best decision I ever made.
I lived and worked in London, got fit, galavanted across Europe with all of this new found freedom and made some amazing lifelong friendships. Travelling on my own, getting out of my comfort zone and taking some risks really helped me heal at a time when I didn’t really know what to do with myself/who I was post-breakup.” – Diana.
Don’t Hesitate To Ask For Help
“I initially coped with my heartbreak by using a lot of drugs, drinking 24/7 and going out most nights. After a while, though, I realised I needed to do something about my constant sadness and never-ending comedowns. I eventually found a counsellor and used writing as means to express myself. I’m still with the same counsellor to this very day.” – Louis.
See The Silver Linings
“I relished in taking over the whole bed, going to bed whatever time I wanted (my ex always wanted me to stay up late), not *having* to have sex.” – Zara.
“I wrote a list of all the horrible things about our relationship. When the bad outweighs the good, by a mile, it makes it a little easier to accept.” – Joey.
And look, no matter how truly lame this saying is, it always rings true: it’s better to have loved and lost than well, you know the rest.