No one is under the impression that in-flight meals are supposed to be good – not the people that designed them, not the people that made them, not the people that deliver them to your seat, and definitely not you, the person eating them.
Served in portions that would satisfy only the appetite of a sickly child, the meals achieve an almost artistic level of blandness in their quest to make a food that will offend no one. Regardless of what the meal is ostensibly supposed to be, the end result is invariably three very slimy technicolour masses that have the texture and sheen of something that has been cooked by leaving it in a plastic bag inside a hot car.
In answer to Jerry Seinfeld‘s famous hypothetical question “What is the deal with airplane food?“, I can categorically say: it’s not great. But those meals are serviceable – reliable, even – you know what you’re going to get. You can peel the foil back with the comforting knowledge that you will not be greeted with something that looks like the mummified penis of a mythical sea creature.
OR CAN YOU.
A woman catching a Qantas flight from Sydney to Brisbane on Friday had this sacred social contract violated for her when she lifted the lid on a plate of six dumplings and what was very clearly a lizardman’s lizardmanhood.
She told News.com.au about the experience under a veil of anonymity:
“I asked the server what it was … and he told me that it was a root vegetable.
“I asked him to pass me my phone so I could take a photo … I never take photos of food but this was too funny to pass up.
“He blushed and was very apologetic, I don’t think he had ever seen anything quite like it … the lady next to me was cracking up.”
I don’t pretend to be a botanist, but that’s the horniest root vegetable I’ve ever seen in my life. Take a look at the photo below and be sure to let us know in the comments if it’s more of a dead goblin’s penis or closer to a pickled minotaur dick.