Trump Seems Absolutely 100% Convinced That Dogs Have Jobs

We will never know what it’s like to see the world through Trump‘s eyes or to interpret what those eyes see with Trump’s brain. The man has ostensibly written books before and will certainly (ostensibly) write one again, but they are almost entirely the product of ghost writers attempting to wrangle his signature incoherent rambling into readable sentences (to quote one of them: “I put lipstick on a pig“).

[jwplayer anfRJxWn]

We will never truly understand how this baffling and, at times, completely alien man understands the world to work, all we know is that he sees something completely different to what you and I do. He believes grocery shopping requires photo ID. He believes that exercise exhausts your body’s finite supply of life energy. He believes that people only turned against asbestos because of the mafia. He also, apparently, believes that dogs have jobs that they are routinely fired from.

Take, as an example, this perfectly normal, perfectly rational tweet from the President of the United States of America:

‘Fired like a dog’ is a bit of an odd turn of phrase. In what manner is a dog fired? Do dogs get fired in a worse way than people? It’s strange but, whatever, the man plays it pretty fast and loose with the tweets.

What’s interesting is that this is not even close to being the first time he has used this exact combination of words:

It turns out that this is part of an even larger phenomenon — there are seemingly no bounds to things that Trump believes happen to dogs.

They cheat (or are cheated on, the syntax is ambiguous):

They are dumped:

They choke:

Perhaps most intriguingly, they beg for money:

He is also massively fond of saying that people couldn’t successfully run for dog catcher, which I was not aware was an elected position:

This weird fixation might be explained somewhat by this tidbit in a report from the Washington Post, which claims that Trump just straight up hates dogs:

Longtime Trump observers say it is a measure of his rage and sense of betrayal that he called Manigault Newman ‘that dog.’ The president, who has an aversion to dogs and other pets, considers canine comparisons to be among his most devastating put-downs.

Nothing could ever explain this tweet, though: