We will never know what it’s like to see the world through Trump‘s eyes or to interpret what those eyes see with Trump’s brain. The man has ostensibly written books before and will certainly (ostensibly) write one again, but they are almost entirely the product of ghost writers attempting to wrangle his signature incoherent rambling into readable sentences (to quote one of them: “I put lipstick on a pig“).
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We will never truly understand how this baffling and, at times, completely alien man understands the world to work, all we know is that he sees something completely different to what you and I do. He believes grocery shopping requires photo ID. He believes that exercise exhausts your body’s finite supply of life energy. He believes that people only turned against asbestos because of the mafia. He also, apparently, believes that dogs have jobs that they are routinely fired from.
Take, as an example, this perfectly normal, perfectly rational tweet from the President of the United States of America:
“General” McChrystal got fired like a dog by Obama. Last assignment a total bust. Known for big, dumb mouth. Hillary lover! https://t.co/RzOkeHl3KV
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 1, 2019
‘Fired like a dog’ is a bit of an odd turn of phrase. In what manner is a dog fired? Do dogs get fired in a worse way than people? It’s strange but, whatever, the man plays it pretty fast and loose with the tweets.
What’s interesting is that this is not even close to being the first time he has used this exact combination of words:
.@DavidGregory got thrown off of TV by NBC, fired like a dog! Now he is on @CNN being nasty to me. Not nice!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 30, 2016
.@EWErickson got fired like a dog from RedState
and now he is the one leading opposition against me.— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 18, 2016
Wow was Ted Cruz disloyal to his very capable director of communication. He used him as a scape goat-fired like a dog! Ted panicked.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 23, 2016
.@GlennBeck got fired like a dog by #Fox. The Blaze is failing and he wanted to have me on his show. I said no – because he is irrelevant.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 17, 2015
Wow, great news! I hear @EWErickson of Red State was fired like a dog. If you read his tweets, you’ll understand why. Just doesn’t have IT!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 8, 2015
I hear that sleepy eyes @chucktodd will be fired like a dog from ratings starved Meet The Press? I can’t imagine what is taking so long!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 13, 2015
Does anyone remember this @BillMaher clip when he got fired from ABC- in fact, fired like a dog! http://t.co/Xekz6GTm
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 16, 2013
It turns out that this is part of an even larger phenomenon — there are seemingly no bounds to things that Trump believes happen to dogs.
They cheat (or are cheated on, the syntax is ambiguous):
Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog & will do it again–just watch. He can do much better!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 17, 2012
They are dumped:
Michael Wolff is a total loser who made up stories in order to sell this really boring and untruthful book. He used Sloppy Steve Bannon, who cried when he got fired and begged for his job. Now Sloppy Steve has been dumped like a dog by almost everyone. Too bad! https://t.co/mEeUhk5ZV9
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 6, 2018
They choke:
Mitt Romney had his chance to beat a failed president but he choked like a dog. Now he calls me racist-but I am least racist person there is
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 11, 2016
Perhaps most intriguingly, they beg for money:
.@BrentBozell, one of the National Review lightweights, came to my office begging for money like a dog. Why doesn’t he say that?
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 23, 2016
He is also massively fond of saying that people couldn’t successfully run for dog catcher, which I was not aware was an elected position:
.@GovernorPataki couldn’t be elected dog catcher if he ran again—so he didn’t!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 1, 2015
.@GovernorSununu who couldn’t get elected dog catcher in NH forgot to mention my phenomenal biz success rate: 99.2% https://t.co/WsA3Jnjhwa
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 27, 2015
Bob Corker, who helped President O give us the bad Iran Deal & couldn’t get elected dog catcher in Tennessee, is now fighting Tax Cuts….
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 24, 2017
This weird fixation might be explained somewhat by this tidbit in a report from the Washington Post, which claims that Trump just straight up hates dogs:
Longtime Trump observers say it is a measure of his rage and sense of betrayal that he called Manigault Newman ‘that dog.’ The president, who has an aversion to dogs and other pets, considers canine comparisons to be among his most devastating put-downs.
Nothing could ever explain this tweet, though:
What did you think of @THEGaryBusey‘s mechanical dog idea?
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 29, 2013
