Inspecting the tickets of all users of public transport in Melbourne is a tough job. I mean, you’ve got to ask people for their Myki, scan it, pretend the system actually works properly, arbitrarily hand out fines whenever you feel like it, and occasionally bodyslam teenagers who won’t comply. The Armed Forces have it easy by comparison, right? So it should come as no surprise to you that there are some ticket inspectors who, having grown tired of ducking the hail of fire that is annoyed passengers, the occasionally homeless, or post-footy crowds, have made a push for inspectors to be allowed to carry guns. Guns that they can shoot people with. Because why on earth would you want to carry a gun unless you intended to shoot something?
The argument is small and has been adamantly shot down by the Government who, in turn, are pushing for inspectors to carry small amounts of cash as well as mobile EFTPOS machines in order to issue on-the-spot fines to travellers at a reduced rate of $75, as opposed to the current $212 in-the-mail fine that people hold so very dearly. The argument is that, should ticket inspectors be forced to carry the small amount of cash that would be required for these on-the-spot fines to be carried out, then guns would be a necessary security measure for the cash handler, much in the same way that supermarket checkout operators carry military-grade bear mace, street vendors are equipped with hidden samurai swords, or Footy Record sellers have 15th century flails as standard issue.
Victorian Transport Minister Terry Mulder tried assuaging the fears of the trigger happy You’re-Not-Actually-Cops by stating, “The whole amount of cash carried would have to be totally and completely audited, and they would hand it over as soon as they get to a premium station, or wherever they’re heading. Certainly I can assure you of this, authorised officers will not be carrying guns. It’s not on.”
If nothing else, the film industry could certainly give the movement a shot in the arm by rebooting the Rambo franchise and placing Sylvester Stallone in any one of the life-and-death situations that arises daily on a peak hour 86 tram.
Rambo V: Touch On, Blood Off. You’re welcome, Hollywood.
Photo: Scott Barbour via Getty Images.
via Herald Sun.
