FILE UNDER: things we absolutely do not fucking want in our bedrooms.
Meet The Wake-up Machine!
This bizarre and horrifying contraption is made by Simone Giertz, a self-proclaimed ‘crummy robotics’ expert.
The device is wall-mounted behind your head, so while you’re snoozing along peacefully, with gentle ticking noises adding to your dreamy slumber, dreaming about gumdrops or your sexy neighbour or your morning coffee: it is waiting. It is watching. It is counting down to the time that the alarm can go off, so the rubber hand can spin around repeatedly, and slap you in the face with such force that you wake up crying, with a black eye probably.
And AFTER THAT, you have to snap back to reality, and oh there goes gravity, and remember you have to go to work today.
Watch the absolute awfulness below:
Man, science really has come a long way, hasn’t it?