First off, look at this image:

There is a job where people specialise in digital image forensics. That is not my job. I ran this very casual Instagram photo posted by Australian model Nick Youngquest through an online digital image forensics tool and I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. I looked at the directions and depth of the shadow on the other parts of his body and came away dubious but not entirely unconvinced. I thought a bunch about how big the average human penis is. The result? I have no fucking idea.

News outlets covering this highly important story have categorised it ungenerously, in terms of “revealing more than he might have bargained for” and “accidentally flashing more than he intended“. The ambiguity of the cry-laugh emoji either makes this an admission of having doctored the image, or a sarcastic response to a ridiculous accusation:

Either This Model Photoshopped In A Dick Shadow On Insta Or, Well… Jesus

If real, how — in the act of tactfully placing a Portuguese flag over your wienus — would you miss the enormous shadow of said wienus? It beggars belief. But if fake, why? A fun practical joke? An act of incredible insecurity?

Nick Youngquest, reveal your secrets.

Image: Instagram