Enjoy Your Shitty 28C+ Sleep Tonight, Melbourne

OK, so we’re well aware that out in the good ol’ Aussie outback, crazy-hot temperatures are the norm. Hell, I was just in outback Western Australia and you guys get some INSANE temps! I’m impressed, frankly.

But spare a thought for us fragile city folk. We’re big babies about weather, ok? We don’t deal with 35C+ days often, and we especially don’t deal with boiling hot nights. So when they come around, we freak the FUCK OUT.

Melbourne‘s had a scorcher of a day today – temps are literally still hovering around the maximum mark – 38.1 degrees at 5.09pm has so far been today’s peak, and as of writing this article it’s only gone down to 37.7. That is wild (for us).

The good news? It’s slated to cool down. The bad news?

“It will only going down to 28 degrees which will make for very uncomfortable conditions for sleeping,” Bureau Of Meteorology duty forecaster Stewart Coombs told SMH.com.au.

28 degrees in the daytime is kind of just nice hot weather, but at night? That’s a sweaty motherfucker. That’s move-the-bed-to-the-kitchen-tiles shit right there. Oh, and for some extra fun Mr. Coombs says the weather will be “unusually… humid” too. COOL.

Jokes aside, it’s been a wild day of weather – water trucks were on call to cool down tram lines to prevent buckling, there have been massive power outages, most of which have only just been restored, and bitumen’s been melting on roads.

“People need to remember to stay hydrated, keep in touch with elderly relatives and make sure their pets are also in a cool place and able to access water when they need to,” advised Mr. Coombs.

Call someone with air-con, would ya? Then pay ’em $50 to allow you to sleep on their floor tonight.