Let’s Raise A Cold One To Jared Hyams, Whose Signature Is A Dick Doodle

Drawing dicks was a right of passage when you were younger, areweright?

Big ones, small ones, hairy ones, ones with faces, ones with your friends’ faces.
The fascination kind wore off, though, around the age of 9 or 10.
Not so for one Aussie legend, Jared Hyams, who so treasured the art of dick-drawing that he fought government agencies for the right to sign his name with a penis. 
Thus far, he’s successfully managed to slip his sigdickture pas VicRoads (both his old and recently-renewed driver’s licence bear the masculine symbol) and the Victorian Commission for Gambling and Liquor Regulation (it’s also on his proof of age card); he’s also used it to sign his federal government-issued health care card, open a bank account, join a library and apply for various student cards.
While plenty of offices have been dumb enough not to notice, a bunch of government agencies are being srs dicks about what constitutes a legitimate signature.
He’s spent 5 years fighting for the right to use it (lel), arguing with the Australian Electoral Commission, The Department of Trade and Foreign Affairs and The Department of Justice – all none too impressed – for the right to call himself Australia‘s only penis-signer.  
“What a signature is comes down to the function, not the actual form,” he told the Sydney Morning Herald. “Generally, it’s a person putting a mark on a piece of paper by their own hand. As soon as you start defining what a signature is you run into problems – if it’s meant to be someone’s name how do we define that because most signatures are just illegible scribble.”

WIth those powers of persuasion, is it any wonder dude’s studying to be a lawyer? 
Jared’s refusing to throw in the towel until the federal government departments with stiff opposition to his signature get the fuck over it.
“None of it is resolved. Everything is just left hanging.”