Danny Clayton Got The Shit Kicked Out of Him By Russians In A Thai Jungle

Well we’ve got good news for both types with this lil’ yarn in which the handsome Sydneysider and possible sentient pile of expired ham, regales us with his tale of getting the shit consistently and brutally kicked out of him by highly trained military professionals in a Thailand jungle.

HOOOOOOOO BOY, it’s a good’un.

The yarn goes that on a vacay to Thailand last month, Danny thought it would be a good idea to put to use his recent Muay Thay kickboxing classes in the very country it was birthed from and spontaneously signed up online to a random workshop in the jungle just outside Phuket.

What he eventually found he’d signed up for however, was something slightly above his boxing proficiency, a discovery he made, we’ll assume, mid-way through being belted about the head by a military-trained Russian police officer. Talking to PEDESTRIAN.TV, Danny admits he may have bitten off more than he could chew:

“I said to myself ‘yeah I’ll sign up for the intermediate class’ and found myself being paired up with military and police personel from the likes of the States, Russia and even Norway. You’d train for six hours a day and yeah, fight people from all around the world”

With a bare minimum of protection on, which included a mouthguard, gloves, shinpad and nothing else Clayton’s not-exactly-small noggin was repeatedly knocked about by people vastly more experienced than him in doing so.

“There were no headguards or anything so when you got hit in the face, you’d feel it. On the third day I got some solid punches to both eyes and ended up with two big black eyes”

Whilst he admits it was “one of the hardest things” he’s ever done, Danny doesn’t regret it at all as the planned week stay turned into a month and the sadistic motherfucker’s injuries started to pile up:

“I had my lips split countless times and was often bleeding from my mouth. At night I’d have to cover my body in assorted frozen vegetable packets to the point where by the end of the trip half my room was covered in soggy plastic bags of veggies. Oh yeah and there was one day I came home and just started vomiting from being hit in the head so many times”.

One of the worst beatings Clayton took was when he had several sessions with some “rather nasty” Russians who despite being asked to kindly go easy on him, instead chose to clobber him to within an inch of his life:

“I’m not a short person so I get the whole ‘take down the big guy’ thing but I wasn’t expecting their response to me asking them to please go easy on me, to instead make them more excited. They were calling me ‘Goldilocks’ and whatnot. People really wanted to hurt me.”

Clayton returned to Aus a couple of weeks ago and when asked if he’d recommend his unique yet insane Thailand experience, he still gives it the thumbs up:

“Some rather nasty guys spent a day trying to snap my legs, which wasn’t entirely fun but I would still recommend people give it a try…. if you don’t have aspirations to be a professional dancer.”