Move over, oil! It looks like meat and seafood are the new most valuable commodities in the world, after this bloke in Melbourne was busted for having more than $2000 worth of these delicacies in the boot of his car.
Victoria Police took to Facebook to announce the bovine bust and their social media intern had an absolute field day writing the post.
They were throwing around zingers like it was going out of fashion, starting with: “MUST HAVE WON THE MEAT TRAY” and then capitalising on the low-hanging homophone fruit, “meating”. But I didn’t see “mis-steak” so ultimately, it was a flop.
Gags aside, the post said: “Members of our Safer Communities Task Force came across this gentleman in Cairnlea on 12/06.”
How is allegedly pinching meat and seafood turning the community into an unsafe place, I ask? The fella was just famished or wanted to rebrand as Melbourne’s Martha Stewart.
It’s unclear how the task force came across the meat mogul but according to the post, he told them he was en route to a sales call. The sale? More than $2000 worth of lamb chops, beef roasts, prawns, salmon and a few lamb racks. The price? A pure bargain at only $100.
That’s right: when the cops asked this man why he had so much goddamn food in his car, the benevolent king allegedly replied he was going to sell it to someone for $100. He’s practically a philanthropist.
The sale fell through, unfortunately, and the meat was returned to its rightful owner whose identity is unknown. 9News reckons it was a Coles in Cairnlea, in which case, good luck and godspeed to the stomach that will cop roadside prawns.
The man is expected to be charged on summons and I can already imagine the defence’s case: “Your honour, my client simply wanted to host a neighbourhood surf and turf dinner.”
