Just so you know, not one little bit of this story is written in jest, okay?
Earlier this week, around 2am, NSW police received numerous calls about a violent domestic fight in the Sydney suburb of Wollstonecraft. Several neighbours called to report that a woman was screaming hysterically, while a man yelled: “I’m going to kill you, you’re dead! Die! Die!”. They said furniture was being tossed around the apartment. The situation appeared dire.
Several police cars responded to the calls, and raced over to the apartment. They banged on the door, and a flustered and out-of-breath man answered.
Their conversation is as follows:
Police: “Where’s your wife?”
Man: “Umm… I don’t have one.”
Police: “Where’s your girlfriend?”
Man: “Umm… I don’t have one.”
Police: “We had a report of a domestic and a woman screaming, where is she?”
Man: “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I live alone.”
Police: “Come on mate, people clearly heard you yelling you were going to kill her and furniture getting thrown around the unit.”
Man: *becomes very sheepish*
Police: “Come on mate, what have you done with her?”
Man: “It was a spider.”
Police: “Sorry??”
Man: “It was a spider, a really big one!”
Police: “What about the woman screaming?”
Man: “Yeah, sorry, that was me. I really, really hate spiders.”
Police: *silent*
Man: *silent*
Police: *silent*
Man: *silent*
Police:
So in the end, police searched the apartment, found there was no injured party, and learned the man had simply been chasing a large spider around the apartment with a can of Mortein. And that brings our tale to an end, folks, with nothing but a bruised ego and a dead spider to show for it, and perhaps a new level of respect for those of us with a mortal fear of spiders who still have to find the courage to deal with them in our darkest hours.
