Clown Expert Stephen King Addresses Those Not-OK Woodland Sighting Rumours

By now, you might have caught wind of the weird shit that’s happening in the US state of North Carolina. Weird shit involving clowns, aka the absolute worst kind of weird shit. 

Reports from local media state folks dressed up as those po-faced harbingers of doom have allegedly been tryna lure kids into the woods for presumably craven and occult purposes.

If you reckon it’s all sounding a bit, well, IT, you’re not alone. Hell, even Australian reports on the issue open up with the declaration “it’s like something straight out of a Stephen King novel.” 

Obviously thinking the exact same thing, local media in King’s home state Maine have badgered the author about his take on the supposed NC clowns and their fear-invoking properties. In his view, it’s all a passing phase… But it’s a fucked one, nonetheless.

“I suspect it’s a kind of low-level hysteria, like Slender Man,” King said, referring to the internet-borne horror character that shot to prominence after its name was invoked by two young girls on trial for attempted murder. 

Like the hype around that noodle-limbed abomination, King said “the clown furor will pass, as these things do, but it will come back, because under the right circumstances, clowns really can be terrifying.” 
‘Ken oath. The man offered his own perception on those red-lipped fuckos:

“Take a little kid to the circus and show him a clown, he’s more apt to scream with fear than laugh… 

If I saw a clown lurking under a lonely bridge (or peering up at me from a sewer grate, with or without balloons), I’d be scared, too.”
Look, we’re fully prepared for this entire yarn to be revealed as some kinda craven stunt for the upcoming cinematic rebirth of King’s legendary novel… But at the same time, it’s nice to know the mind which birthed Annie Wilkes is human enough to respond to clowns with nothin’ but dread.