Clinton Accepts Democrats’ Nomination As 1st Female Presidential Candidate

At the party’s national convention in Philadelphia, Clinton gave an hour-long speech thanking voters for actually realising the shitstorm the nation could face if her opponent makes his way to the White House.

In fact, the latter half of her speech focussed mainly on ragging on the dude – from his seeming ability to walk away from massive debts while US students are increasingly burdened by bonkers repayments, to his testy temperament and the risks he may take if handed control of the military.

“A man you can bait with a tweet is not a man we can trust with nuclear weapons,” she says. Of course, it’d be easy enough to retort with “a woman who used unsecured email servers shouldn’t be given the nation’s top job,” but we digress. 

Her speech touched on the work done by President Barack Obama, who will surely be canonised as a bloke who was sandwiched – and succeeded – between two particularly tumultuous periods in American history. 

She also found time for also-ran Bernie Sanders, whose rambunctious, sometimes crotchetty, but always genuine campaign legitimately tested Clinton’s. Her speech even made his influence on her platform known, as she said they’ll work together to make “college tuition-free for the middle class and debt-free for all.”

What comes next? Well, another arduous slog to the big one, the actual presidential election on November 8. If you’re the kind of person who isn’t down with building a literal wall between two nations and excluding all immigrants of a particular religion, you might be hoping she makes another similar speech on November 9.

Now, watch her freak the fuck out at the sight of glitter cannons and balloons.