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Picture this. You’re innocently lying down for bed, hoping against hope that you’ll enjoy a decent night’s sleep. You try to squeeze your eyes shut but before long they’re stinging from the sweat lashing down off your forehead. Why? The dreaded night sweats have kicked in. Every time you crawl into bed and turn off the lights you feel as though you’re passing through each circle of Dante’s Inferno. It’s hell on earth.

Don’t despair, though. While extremely annoying, sweating in your sleep is actually pretty manageable. We’ve gone and done the lord’s work by compiling a list of 6 products to invest in that’ll kick your sweating habit right to the curb.

So, as you read this in your sweat-soaked nightgown while waiting for the washing machine to refresh your sodden sheets – know that it could very well be the last time you lose the battle of the night sweats.

night sweats sweaty sleeper

1. A breathable pillow

First thing’s first, you’re going to need to invest in a pillow that doesn’t encourage your face to melt like an old candle. Given you plonk your face on it each night and your forehead is usually ground zero for sweat, finding a decent, non-sweat inducing pillow is always the first order of business.

This Foam Pillow from Emma Sleep is as good as it gets for all you sweaty heads. According to the website, its made with something called ZeroGravity form which makes us think of a cloud – a welcome change from ordinary pillows which somehow reach the temperature of a pizza oven. It’s also wrapped in Airgocell foam which is just fancy people talk for breathable as hell and moisture-wicking. In short, you can perspire onto it all night long without actually feeling sweaty.

If head-butting a cloud every night as you drift off into a sweat-free slumber sounds like a good time, this is the resting place for you.

Emma Foam Pillow, $150 

2. A turbo fan

Say hello to my little friend – the Vornado. Unsurprisingly the name says it all here, it’s like a powerful tornado ripping through your bedroom (minus all the structural damage). If you’re reading this while that shitty oscillating fan of yours makes deathly creaking noises in the corner, you already know it’s time for an upgrade.

Despite its wind generation capabilities, the Vornado is pleasantly quiet. It’ll still make a little noise but certainly not enough to cause your neighbours to report a natural disaster. This small yet mighty device can move air up to 23 metres so it’s like transforming your room into one of those ice bars (read: a sweaty sleepers wonderland). The pivoting head also allows you to direct the airflow whenever you want, so you can blast yourself right in the face if that’s your jam.

Shop the Vornado here (psst: it’s currently 26% off).

night sweats sweaty sleeper

3. Bamboo sheets

When it comes to garnishing your bed, bamboo sheets are the only way to go. Repeat after me: silk and cotton sheets are the devil for people with night sweats. To say it once more for the people in the back, bamboo fibre has millions of micro-gaps which make them way more breathable and comfortable for sweaty sleepers or night sweat victims.

If you’re keen to get freaky between the sheets, I’d suggest making a beeline for Ettitude’s CleanBamboo range. They have a real luxurious feel that honestly looks so inviting, it has me wanting to crawl in this instant and forget my sweaty existence. Bamboo is also the more sustainable choice (by like a lot), using 500x less water and reducing emissions by 52%. So not only are you sleeping soundly due to the moisture-wicking fabric, it’s the deep sleep of someone with a clear consumer conscience as well.

Shop Ettitude’s sateen bamboo sheet collection here.

4. A cooling mat

If you’ve already invested in bamboo sheets (smart cookie) or you’re looking for even more cooling power, look no further than the ingenious invention known as the cooling mat.

Never again will you thrash around like that possessed girl from The Exorcist in a desperate attempt to beat the heat. Now, you’ll just slide this slippery devil on top of your mattress and enjoy a blissful REM cycle without having to periodically wake up and stick your head in the freezer.

Using its magical phase changing technology, it’ll provide around 3-5 hours of sweet relief for your sad, sweaty soul. You can also pop this bad boy in the fridge if you’re keen for some extra cooling action which sounds like an absolute dream.

Shop the Cooling Mat here.

night sweats

5. Bamboo PJs

If you live at home or with housemates who haven’t displayed any affinity for knocking before entering, then wearing pyjamas is probably a necessity. This sounds fine in theory, until you hit the problem of what the hell to actually wear. The words ‘cotton’ and ‘flannel’ typically encourage a bead of sweat to start trickling down your forehead so they’re out of the question. There’s only one material up for the moisture-wicking job and that’s bamboo, my friend.

Bamboo is naturally thermo-regulating and contain ‘micro gaps’ which allow air to pass through, improving ventilation. Basically, it’s the next best thing to sleeping in your skin suit.

Boody PJ’s are a fan-favourite for good bloody reason. They keep you cool, they’re super comfy and best of all, they don’t require you to go full Tarzan with the loincloth look. Yep, it’s the answer to the prayers of sweaty sleepers who don’t want to miss out on the cute pyjama train. They’ve got singlets, shorts, long pants, nightdresses – the whole kit and caboodle. Drape yourself in all of them like the sleeping beauty you are.

Boody Goodnight Sleep Tee ($39.95) + shop Boody PJs here.

6. Cooling gel eye mask

When the night sweats hit hard, sometimes all we need to do is cool down one part of the body and your peepers are actually a pretty good place to start. Cool them down and the rest of your bod will usually follow suit, plus it feels soothing as hell – like you’re at a day spa instead of the fiery inferno known as your bed.

Strap this blessed thing round your noggin and doze off into a blissful slumber. We give this mask bonus points because it doubles as a sleeping mask so it’s the ultimate toofa; or two-for-one to be precise.

Shop the cold gel eye mask here.

Hopefully this guide has helped you sweaty bishes cool down. And, if all else fails, just go lie down on the bathroom floor. I swear by it.

Image: Schitt's Creek