Happy Thursday, my friends. It’s a beautiful day in Melbourne: the sun is shining and Andrew Bolt has dramatically fucked off to the “bush” (Mornington Peninsula). He did, however, have some parting words for the CBD and its people. And we had some words for him.
In a column for the Herald Sun, Bolt said his final (I hope) goodbye to city life. The column itself is nothing new for a man who has made a career out of being a repulsive lemon.
He whined about multiculturalism and “gangs”. He took jabs at our current government, its handling of the coronavirus, and the people’s willingness to “accept home imprisonment”.
I mean, lockdown and restrictions absolutely sucked ass, but not as much as waking up to 700 cases daily did.
He dedicated a chunk to criticising immigrants for – and I’m paraphrasing here – not assimilating like his parents’ generation did decades ago. Imagine what Melbourne would look like if Bolt had his way, if Chinese restaurants never evolved past lemon chicken and fried ice cream. My Asian ass shudders, it shudders.
There was, of course, no acknowledgment of Victoria’s 34-day streak of no new coronavirus cases, or the sense of community and pride the city now feels for flattening the second wave.
Instead, Bolt lamented a woman saying “fuck” on Instagram. Sad!
It really is as on brand for Bolt as you would expect. It almost reads like a man who, after realising he’s about to be dumped, breaks up with his partner first.
Bolt even concluded his column by sharing a little anecdote about driving away from the city, where the air is fresh and “the roar of cars gives way to bird calls.”
“Melbourne behind you, a gentler life ahead,” he wrote.
My favourite part is how Mornington Peninsula is still technically Melbourne.
I know Bolt probably thinks the city is losing something with his departure, but that’s hardly the case on Twitter.
This is from Andrew Bolt’s “leaving Melbourne” column.
It’s typically racist, but also, to the point, typically wrong. There’s genuinely more of a sense of community here than there ever has been.
He’s just not welcome in it anymore. pic.twitter.com/1JuGiLqcIt
— David Milner (@DaveMilbo) December 2, 2020
No matter how awful, mean or being a complete miserable wanker and being disliked,
People still have someone who loves them ❤️💖💕Except Andrew Bolt. Don’t come to Queensland. #auspol
— Politic@l Spinner (@lesstenny) December 2, 2020
Lol Andrew Bolt describing Mornington Peninsula as the bush is just the funniest 🤣🤣🤣
— Alex Bhathal (@alexbhathal) December 2, 2020
Who’s going to tell #AndrewBolt that the Mornington Peninsular is in Melbourne?
— Nicole Hayes: author / podcaster / human 🏉📚✍️🌈 (@nichmelbourne) December 2, 2020
A new village gets an idiot… pic.twitter.com/QLwIfrJQbj
— Mike Carlton (@MikeCarlton01) December 2, 2020
Breaking out the good stuff to celebrate that Melbourne now has zero cases of Andrew Bolt.
— (have-YER Candeira) for you for your cousin (@candeira) December 2, 2020
Respect different opinions. But I’ve lived in Melbourne off and mainly on for almost 40 years and I’ve never loved it more. Not perfect. Traffic’s much worse. But our community is first rate.
Andrew Bolt: Why I’m leaving Melbourne for good https://t.co/lHjWcjP1mg
— Richard Hinds (@rdhinds) December 2, 2020
Petition to ensure Andrew Bolt, having now left the city, is no longer allowed to offer any opinions on Melbourne life and culture. https://t.co/UlPwUZrp4O
— Jess McGuire (@jessmcguire) December 2, 2020
Andrew Bolt fleeing from Melbourne on account of persecution. Why doesn’t he stay behind and make it better instead of bringing his troubles to a new place that is expected to give him shelter and comfort?
— Rick Morton (@SquigglyRick) December 2, 2020
I’m Melbourne born & bred. I’m passionate about this city. I love it. More now than ever. My god what we’ve been through. But Andrew Bolt tells us he’s left it without ‘shedding a tear.’ Point is Andrew none of us are shedding a tear at your departure so just go & enjoy.
— Denise Scott (@_denisescott) December 2, 2020
You tell him, Denise.
It’s been a fucked year for Melbourne, fucked in every sense of the word – especially in the city centre. But, hey, at least we don’t have Andrew Bolt anymore.
Sorry, Mornington.
