Andrew Bolt Has Dramatically Left Melbourne For *Checks Notes* Mornington & Okay, Bye?

Andrew Bolt Melbourne

Happy Thursday, my friends. It’s a beautiful day in Melbourne: the sun is shining and Andrew Bolt has dramatically fucked off to the “bush” (Mornington Peninsula). He did, however, have some parting words for the CBD and its people. And we had some words for him.

In a column for the Herald Sun, Bolt said his final (I hope) goodbye to city life. The column itself is nothing new for a man who has made a career out of being a repulsive lemon.

He whined about multiculturalism and “gangs”. He took jabs at our current government, its handling of the coronavirus, and the people’s willingness to “accept home imprisonment”.

I mean, lockdown and restrictions absolutely sucked ass, but not as much as waking up to 700 cases daily did.

He dedicated a chunk to criticising immigrants for – and I’m paraphrasing here – not assimilating like his parents’ generation did decades ago. Imagine what Melbourne would look like if Bolt had his way, if Chinese restaurants never evolved past lemon chicken and fried ice cream. My Asian ass shudders, it shudders.

There was, of course, no acknowledgment of Victoria’s 34-day streak of no new coronavirus cases, or the sense of community and pride the city now feels for flattening the second wave.

Instead, Bolt lamented a woman saying “fuck” on Instagram. Sad!

It really is as on brand for Bolt as you would expect. It almost reads like a man who, after realising he’s about to be dumped, breaks up with his partner first.

Bolt even concluded his column by sharing a little anecdote about driving away from the city, where the air is fresh and “the roar of cars gives way to bird calls.”

“Melbourne behind you, a gentler life ahead,” he wrote.

My favourite part is how Mornington Peninsula is still technically Melbourne.

I know Bolt probably thinks the city is losing something with his departure, but that’s hardly the case on Twitter.

You tell him, Denise.

It’s been a fucked year for Melbourne, fucked in every sense of the word – especially in the city centre. But, hey, at least we don’t have Andrew Bolt anymore.

Sorry, Mornington.