As a child, nothing thrilled me more than hooning around the house on my plastic three-wheelie, pretending I was in some blockbuster movie where I had the ability to dodge everything from knives to raindrops.
As an adult, nothing thrills me more than imagining the same thing. Granted, I’m sans plastic three-wheelie and costumes now, but it’s always fun to imagine being in a scenario where you have the ability to whip ass and do things with your limbs that the average person just can’t do.
After seeing Marvel Studios’ Black Widow, that wild imagination came roaring back and now I desperately want to be an ex-Russian spy with a dark, mysterious past. I’m neither, but it’s fun all the same.
Without going into spoilers, here are a few moves from Black Widow that I desperately want to be capable of doing.
One day, perhaps.
Again, no spoilers to be found here but there is a particular scene where a certain character (Florence Pugh) takes a jab at Black Widow’s long-running go-to move called The Poser, a stance we’ve seen in countless Marvel flicks up until now.
I’m including this because it probably requires the least amount of skill of all of them, meaning it’s actually achievable. After landing from whatever height, put one hand down to support your weight, flick your head up and look menacingly into the distance.
Might whip it out on my next date, I didn’t want to see them again anyway.
Okay, now we’re getting into tricky territory.
The idea of this tactic is to get back on your feet as quickly as possible (and as impressively as possible).
From what I can gather, you have to use your hands behind your head to push your weight up and back onto your feet. Somehow. I think legs must play a huge part but I’ve been staring at the gif for a while now and still can’t make heads nor tails of how they get from A to B.
Gravity, does it exist? Short answer yes, long answer yes but how?
I understand the concept of being able to do a backflip, I don’t understand the concept of being able to do it while also kicking someone square in the throat. If the villainous Taskmaster ever hosts a multitasking class, please sign me up right now.
I can personally see myself using this method the next time someone I don’t know tries to hug me on the street. It doesn’t happen often but when it does, I’ll be ready.
The Door Buster
I can do this one! I can kick a door! Someone call the Avengers, I think they just found their latest recruit.
Not me, but I know a guy named Craig who would be perfect for this role.
I don’t know how often I’ll need to kick a door open while moving at 100km per hour, but it’s good to know I have the option. Perhaps when someone starts playing screamo music? I’d bail out of a moving car in that situation.
You’ve heard of skydiving, but have you heard of skydiving amidst a flurry of dangerous debris? That’s just upped the ante tenfold.
While I wouldn’t recommend trying this one at home, as less than .001% of us are at Black Widow’s level, again it’s a good move to have up your sleeve should you find yourself in the very unlikely position of having to plummet through the air.
You watch Black Widow in cinemas now and on Disney+ with Premier Access now, to work on your moves from home.
What a nice little treat.
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